Spoke to my W on the phone the other day. Her texts to me on Tuesday were laced with much agrivation at not being able to reach me. My phone was on vibrate and I wasn't paying attention. Anywho, she wanted my opinion on starting an every-other-weekend with the kids where we each get 2 weekends a month. I'm okay with that and told her so. They are her kids too.
She brought up that S12 told her he blames her for everything. I stayed quiet on this one. My thoughts were that the only person in our family that wanted out of it was her - so yes, blame on! I spent the past few years trying to make it work and she spent that time making efforts against making it work - so yes, blame on! I did not answer her this way. I told her that I do not talk about her or us around the kids and that S12 isn't telling her anything that he's heard from me. I told her that I've heard a lot about it and that I told him that if he'd like to talk to someone about it ( therapist ), I would make it happen. She said she didn't think I was like that to be speaking wrongfully about her, but she wanted to make sure. Whatever. I'm sure her friends that have supported her decision to pursue a D and have helped her move out have heard nothing but great things about me. After all, what clear minded individual would think it's a great idea for a family to dissolve unless they were only hearing one side of the story? <retorical question>
W also told me she has no washer or dryer and has had to wash clothes at EA's house or her friends house <insert my tears>. She wanted to know if we could split the washer/dryer so that we each would only need to buy 1 piece and not a set <how kind of you my dear>. I simply asked her to tell me which piece she wanted and I would take the other. I have every intention of getting something delivered and the old piece put in the garage so she doesn't have a reason to come into the house.
She wants to get together next week to go over bills. I guess I'm going to need to get my cell phone thing figured out very soon, because from what I saw, it was going to be pretty expensive for me alone and she seems to think I'm going to take on S12's account too. I can't say I'm all too bent out of shape that we're both struggling with finances as a repercussion of her decision. This is not happily ever after and the sooner reality slaps her in the face the better. Granted, that will probably only serve to strengthen her resolve even more, but my concern is with me and the kids and I'll be fine regardless.
Over all it was a candid and light conversation. But I got called out later when I met her to pick up the kids. I don't get out of my car. I have no reason to so I don't and if I'm early I'm always reading my school books. She came over to my window and <smiling happily at me> told me that it's okay for me to come out of the car every now and then. That I can acknowledge her even though it pains me to do so. I made eye contact with her a few times and kept my smile. I replied by saying I was reading and didn't notice her pull up. I offer her no excuses and I ask nothing of her. I'm sure it had something to do with her wanting to prove to S12 that we both wanted a D and we're both the better people for it. Whatever...
Another thing she mentioned on the phone to me that bothered me greatly. She said that S12 was going on about all the things I had bought for the house after she moved out. She said he bragged about my new bed and how it can adjust up or down ( it can't and it doesn't ). I was mad at this because she already thinks I'm sitting on a pile of cash and S12 boasting about this only feeds that miscalculation on her part.
I wasn't sure how to approach S12 about this. I needed to make sure he didn't feel shut down for speaking, but I needed him to know it wasn't okay to talk like that to his mother about me if it's not true. I asked him about it and he said he didn't say anything about the bed being adjustable ( that means it costs more ). I told him that he should always feel open to talk to me or his mother, but that he should make sure what he talks about is as true as hearing it from me. I slipped and mentioned that his mom already thinks I have more money than I really do and anything that might sound like boasting would not give her a realistic view point. Eh... oh well.
S12 is trying to get his mom alone so he can talk to her. I reminded him this morning that he should always feel comfortable enough to be able to talk to his mom. What's even more important is that he speak from his heart about HIS feelings. I reminded him that his mom didn't move out because she wanted to get back together with me and right now I'm only concerned about me and the kids so it's important that he leave me out of his conversations about how HE feels. I hope he can hold onto that thought and leave me out of it. He tends to get desperate when he feels his point is not getting across and there's nothing he can do to change his mom's mind about anything right now. Time will tell.
Rereading this post it sounds like I may be a bit irritated, but I'm not. Was just having a bit of fun. Some of my old sarcasm creeping out, but this time I'm smiling vs. frowning.
