I was more commenting on the dynamics of going dark. I never thought my W to be someone with low self-esteem. To see how going dark affects her is interesting. The feeling of rejection, etc.
I am definitely not giving her a shoulder to cry on regarding OM. She quit/fired from her job. I haven't once offered to assist her and she hasn't asked me to help her. I fail to see how I am rescuing her.
"What happens when she lays her eyes on the next OM?
What is your goal here?
The goal is to rebuild the foundation so it doesn't happen again. I am slowly (but surely), stopping myself from being the rescuer. With the job situation, I am just validating her. I am not getting involved, just listening.
I really want to get this point across: I am not assisting my W financially. She pays her own bills and has her own account.
The state wants her to do an interview regarding child support from me where they will determine how much I need to pay. She hasn't asked me for a penny on this matter either. She gets almost $700/month for food which she allows me to use to buy food for the Ds. If anything, she is giving me money every month.
She has a per-existing condition that is expensive so she needs insurance. There was a time she needed medication and without insurance it was very expensive. She never asked me to help her pay for it. Medicaid kicked in and paid for it later, but she was able to get by with samples from her doctor until the insurance kicked in. Legally as her H, I can't withhold insurance from her without her consent. I would have paid for the meds if she asked, but she never did.
She might have done wrong with the OM, but in regards to finances she is determined to do it on her own.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
