If She Won't Stop the Affair?

[Nblost]

No offense taken 25, in fact, you helped me tremendously early on in my sitch.

My thread is down a few, "Indecision and the Affair Continues".

I DB-ed for about four months after I found out about the affair. I also read many books about affairs so I understood my role and my H's responsibility for the A. I filed for divorce in March to protect myself--H was spending $ secretly and I have since found out I was smart to put in some legal protections around the kids. It's now a year and he's moved out of the house...tension has lifted and we are actually getting along better than we have in a long time.

That said, he's still in the A and he is looking forward to introducing our kids to OW. His issue with me was sexual and I tried to do 180s around that last fall but I couldn't compete with the A. I couldn't keep doing things with him sexually once he made some decisions around OW.

H still isn't sure what he wants. Although, he really wants to move on with OW and he has met her kids.

I think H may be coming out of his "fog" a bit and moving out is a wake-up for him. Overall though, he's just very self-centered.

I only advise reading the books because I think those books really helped me understand affairs and see the commonality in my situation to others. I don't believe in exposing (although at some point, there are people I needed to confide in).

I'm not perfect...far from it...and I am fine admitting I "failed" at my marriage. But, I feel good that I've found more happiness recently than I've felt in a long time. I'm very focused on the kids, involved in a church, have made some great new friends, etc. Marriage is a huge part of life, but it isn't everything...

Sorry for the hijack.