No More LRT, but slow progress

[LostIn407]

I am taking this damn seriously. As bad as this situation is, it snapped me out of my downward spiral. I was severely depressed and just going through the motions in my life. I took my W and Ds for granted. I dreaded spending time with my Ds on my days off because I was so depressed all I wanted to do was sit in my misery. I lost all my drive and ambition. I was defeated in life. I saw no hope.

This woke me up. I started to work out again and became confident in my body and my appearance. I now had energy. I looked forward to spending time with my Ds and like to plan things to do with them. I started to care about my career and got a great job that is aligned with a 'normal' family life (nights and weekends off, holidays off, etc). I reconnected with friends and started to do things for me.

Whether my W and I R, I know I am a better person. The person I used to be and the person I wanted to be.

If my W don't make it, it isn't going to be because I didn't try. I won't look back with any regrets on what I wish I did. I will know I did everything I could and it just wasn't meant to be.

If I went dark and we didn't make it, all I would do is question why I didn't try. Going dark shifts the focus to the W. She has to make the first step. Some people in life are too scared to make the first step. I am not going to look back on life with regret anymore.

Think about all the girls(or guys) you liked in high school but never asked out because you weren't sure what they would say. A few years down the road it comes out and they ask why you never asked them out because they would have said yes.

I have gone completely dark before and it didn't work for me. I dated a girl I went to high school with during college and some time after graduation. We spent a lot of time together, connected emotionally. We used to talk long distance for hours at a time back when you were charged by the minute. We split up for a bit and she mentioned wanting to see other people. I went dark after that conversation. After knowing her for almost 10 years and talking so much over time, we never spoke again. Never. I never dialed her number, she never dialed mine. I am not a fan of darkness.

My situation is where it is right now because I followed some DB/DR practices.

I brought the situation from both W and I contemplating D, W saying she saw no chance of us every getting back together, severe tension between us during handoffs, W wanting to spend zero time with me, no hope at all to where I am now where we are talking again and having fun.

I did this with GAL, 180s and some darkness.

What is your trigger for when things are working? When it is time to move to a new stage. Mine was when the W started to open up to me again and started to feel comfortable around me.

I moved too soon. I should have waited a bit longer. But I didn't. So it is going to be a tougher road than if I gave it longer, but we are still moving. I am not going backwards to where I was. That would do more harm than good.

So while I might not follow advice 100%, I am following it and adjusting it to my situation. I agree on being available yet distant. I need to distance myself because I think we are spending too much time together too soon. Adjust the distance but not go too crazy.

Our R is building right now. My current goal is to slow it down. There are issues that need to be resolved so I need to take it slow. I am going to continue to GAL on the nights the W has the Ds and try to avoid doing anything with the W on those nights.