Thanks WenikiTiki. I am reading plenty of posts. Sometimes they just serve to confuse me. But I am sticking to the plan Jody gave me. Immediately back to my 180's and GAL. As I mentioned above my marriage is GAL due to my husband's work schedule. I have a great life actually. I do believe he resents it somewhat. So it's hard for him to notice any difference in me there. Where I am making the most difference is 180's.. quietly listening without trying to fix problems or being too opinionated about things and not mothering H is one area i've been working on. Things have settled down again since the conflicts above as I immediately went back to DB'ing and quietly but cheerfully going about my tasks at home, asking H about his work and being focused on him (there is never any interest in what I am doing or feeling). The convo is always about him and how he looks, he just about rams it down our throats (it's actually so funny..the kids and I laugh about it so hard when he's not around..not nice I know. I have explained MLC to them so they can understand why). I am being very kind to him because he must be feeling so insecure about himself. Quite sad really. He has the day off today so we'll see how it turns out.
Am having a hard day today. Came here to put my feelings down. I just want to hold my H and tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am for not appreciating him more all these years. I'm trying to detach. I'm so hurt. Its hard when he is around me all day. Someone tell me i'm doing the right thing.
A week later and still trying hard. I see some progress then H just seems to go back to being angry and agitated. Typical MLC male. No more divorce talk so far. Just trying to be a friend. Sometimes I don't like the way he speaks to me, but I try to take myself out of the picture. His problem not mine.
Thanks 2thepoint. My GALS have been going well. As mentioned above I always have lots to do because I've been the wife of a shiftworker who works weekends and odd hours so have always needed to be independent. Unfortunately, my GAL's are no different to my usual way of life. I do enjoy myself. No problems there. My big problem is living with my H who doesn't seem to mind spending time with me. We spend many hours together at home watching movies, cooking and having dinner together. There is no affection towards me from him. I peck him on the cheek occasionally. He doesn't seem to mind. Sometimes I think he is reaching out to me but obviously I can't be sure so I tell myself to detach. Could he be waiting for me to make the first move? I'm not ready for a possible rejection or to move on him too quickly. Jody says patience, patience, patience...establish a friendship which I think we are doing. I'm speaking to her later in the week so will get some more welcome direction.
Had a great counselling session with Jody last night. She affirmed many things I had put into place and made some suggestions which might be of value. I woke this morning with a heightened sense of confidence and a desire to keep working on my R.
H was grumpy today and visibly shaken. He talked about the pressures at work again. He snapped at me when I asked him to come out with me to do some chores. I was able to detach and took myself out to do the jobs by myself. (It hurt.. but it is what is. I survived.) I feel sorry for him. He is obviously so miserable at times. I've previously mentioned to him about getting some help but I refuse to baby him or preach. It's got to be his responsibility.
galbaby, give it time. it's so new now. jody is right; patience is the key.
my h would not touch me or show me any physical affection in the beginning (dec. '11).
now, when we meet, he wants a kiss and a hug and when we part, he always asks for them.
they have to work through their anger. it took lots of time to get to this point, sometimes more time than we're aware of. it will take time to get through it.
continue to show patience and try not to take everything personally. they are spewing and looking for a target to blame. as time goes by, they begin to see your patience and changes and they realize, they can't continue being the horse's a$$ they've been because it just doesn't mix with your outlook on life.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
