Seems to be that its a monthly thing for spew from the XH. You know I seriously, and I mean seriously find the fact that these WAS still WANT to fight with us!
So the newest problem..... D12 lost her ipod at a slumber party last Saturday. The mom of the house and all the girls tore the house up looking for it and it couldn't be found. Given D12 has a very bad habit of misplacing things, I decided we should wait a few days and see if it show up, before deciding if it could've possibly been stolen by one of the girls there. Well so far it hasn't shown up.
I've made it clear to the girls that given their father has been the one to purchase all their electronic doo dadz that they're responsible for alerting him if there are any problems with them . He's purchased them cell phones, computers, gaming systems, and of course an ipod. I told D12 right away she needed to talk to her father about this. She told me she wanted to get her thoughts straight before she told him.
Well she finally told him 3 days after the fact. She gave him a brief explanation as to what happened and he instantly decided it was stolen. That's looking like that might be the case, but D12 has accepted she may have lost that item for good now. I think it's a learning lesson to her that she needs to keep a better eye on things or leave certain things at home. We went through this before with a cell phone of hers over a year ago, and luckily it was retrieved 2 days later...a girl very jealous of D12 did steal it but returned it.
So Xh decided that he was going to file this ipod as stolen and call the police. At work my phone starts going off with texts from the girls absolutely upset that XH had called the police and sending them over to file a report! I get a text from Xh instructing me the same! XH" Just found out about the missing Ipod. The police will be over at 2:30 after you get home from work to take a report from the girls".
Ok guys I was absolutely livid. D12 was upset that this would ruin the frienship and cause a horrible rift with our good neighbors. I was mortified and felt he over reacted, and the girls were scared of the Police coming and having to go through that! D12 feels it could've veen stolen or misplaced, but didn't want to place blame on anyone because she felt no one there would steal it. So she took the blame and responsibility for losing it and the consequences are she no longer has an ipod.
So I replied to XH that though I understood he was upset, that the girls and I were upset he didnt discuss this further with us and I did not appreciate him sending the police directly to my house over this issue without at least talking to me first.
So the fight was on....I did choose to enter into this battle with him. I did it because I felt XH completely overstepped his boundaries by deciding to take over, report this stolen, send the police to my house without even discussing this with me.
His point of view? Well to put it nicely, and in a clean enough matter to even post.... he wasn't alerted immediately, I didn't report it stolen immediately, so he had to make a report because I didn't do a thing, and that he was teaching D12 a lesson. His lesson was that friends don't do that to you and you stand up for yourself. But according to him I was teaching D12 you just let people treat you this way, and that the Magical ipod fairy will replace this item.
I felt very "dirty" after this argument with him. He did everything he could to make it my fault, but I wouldn't take the bait. He insulted me. He used nasty words and wonderful discrediting digs to me personally. And when I wouldn't back down he turned around and said that he was just trying to help and that if D12 didn't want her ipod back he'd just not worry about it.
GASLIGHT.
A two weeks ago he was sitting at the pool watching our kids swim and chatting away with me for over an hour.
The good news! Though this is disturbing, but it's generally rolled off my back. I hate to say it but I think I've finally reached ZERO expectations! I guess it takes consistent nice guy/bad boy behavior for a year to get hip to this.
I've had a strange insight. He and I have fought more in the last year than we EVER did in our entire marriage. We;re finally divorced, yet we get along worse now than we ever did. I thought with me no longer having to hound him for the child and spousal support, and his schedule, everything would just click along. He'd live his life, I life mine. Really no reason to scream and yell anymore really. Yet I still feel like he's trying to rule my house as if he were still here. And even when he was here, he was never like that, but I do know he was working up to it.
I really feel like he's trying to control me through the kids. All I know to do is to choose my battles very wisely with him, other than that just stay clear, and do not contact him unless it's necessary.
What do I do if he just keeps pushing boundaries harder and harder? I honestly DID not think things would get worse after the divorce. Guess i took my rose colored glasses off in one direction and tried to put them on in the other...my future looking so rosey AFTER DIVORCE AND GETTING ON WITH MY LIFE!
