If She Won't Stop the Affair?

[wont_stop]

She's not breaking the boundary at home now, but it's been a rough week. We got intimate the day after the trip, but she kept waiting until 1am before we did something. It turns out she was hoping I'd fall asleep, which really hurts. Then on Monday, she was up until 2pm. I tried to sleep, but heard her come up. She put stuff in a drawer and then went to wash herself. She had been sexting with the jerk. I could not contain myself, I blew it. It tried so hard to give her space, but that was just... well if freaked me out. I just cried, told her I could not take this anymore and moved to the other room. I wish I had been fully asleep, I wish I could have cooled it, but I was so upset.

She's at the phase of the affair where she apparently doesn't want me anymore. She's too loyal to the OM. I'm trying to get back to 180, and I did good yesterday and I hope I do good today. I had to contact her because our Bank account went to 0. Turns out she created her own checking account and her paychecks are going there now, so we did not have enough money to cover expenses, including her lunch date money and her nail appointment. I'm making sure she knows that she can now take care of those expenses herself. Thankfully we had enough in savings to fix the account, but I've opened my own checking now.

I'm thinking of what Starsky said about deciding if I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I thought I could handle this for the next six months, but the pain is soooo bad. I could only feel miserable yesterday and had to go to sleep early. Today is better, but I'm still unhappy. This whole separate checking thing is making me wonder if I can take this for very long. I guess I'm weak, but I kind of want to separate and see if that works better for me. It might be better to do it before the school year starts instead of waiting until December when it will be the holidays. I'm so indecisive right now and its making the 180s that much harder. I wish I had the time to recover and have more strength than I do now.

Strength and courage, what I need more than ever. Thanks for the support.