No More LRT, but slow progress

[chatterbug]

So if she says to you that OM is not in the picture.

Say

"Wife. I will believe what you say when you have consistently shown that you are telling the truth. At this time you have shown through your actions that you will lie. "

[chatterbug]

or instead of lie ... That you cannot be trusted.

[LostIn407]

My mistake in this is that I didn't wait long enough before doing things with the W. I thought it was over with OM, so I jumped. My mistake. I was hearing too many things from friends, in-laws, W, etc that the honeymoon was over with OM. I was doing fine and enjoying life for me. I should have waited longer.

Now I am trying to find a way to back out of this before I do more damage.



Honesty is the one thing I trust my W is giving me right now. She isn't hiding anything. If I ask, she tells. I just chose not to ask questions I don't want to hear the answer to.

I know what you are going to say, how she has lied to you before, etc. I believe this honesty.

[JustStunned]

What changed is when I went on a trip with a friend. This upset her. We went out for a drink the night before I left and had a great time. That lead to doing more together.

I was doing fine and enjoying life for me.

She saw you as confident and happy.
She missed you. Give her more opportunities to miss you.

[HollyAnn]

What changed is when I went on a trip with a friend. This upset her. We went out for a drink the night before I left and had a great time. That lead to doing more together.

I was doing fine and enjoying life for me.

She saw you as confident and happy.
She missed you. Give her more opportunities to miss you.

I think she just missed having control.
It's way too soon for her to really "miss" him.

[JustStunned]

^^^ I can see your point

[LostIn407]

That's the dilemma.

What I was doing was working. I was confident and happy.

Now do I just slide back into that state or do I show the W a good time tonight then hit her with a 2x4 saying this isn't going to happen anymore?

I can do the darkness/dim. I can fill my time with activities I enjoy. I had fun doing it. Tell her tonight or when she asks why we aren't hanging out anymore?

[chatterbug]

no need to hit with a 2x4....

Be confident and lead.

And follow what you stated earlier.

No more dates while OM is in the picture.

Don't even mention it. It is just a relationship conversation that you are bringing up.

Just live it. No dates while OM is in the the picture.

Let her chase after you for a change.

But you have to be patient.

[JustStunned]

^^^^ Yes without rancor give her an oppurtunity to decide to pursue. Patience much patience

[pookie69]

Now I am trying to find a way to back out of this before I do more damage.

Interesting that you feel like YOU are the one doing the damage while giving her no sense that there are consequences to her actions.

Honesty is the one thing I trust my W is giving me right now. She isn't hiding anything. If I ask, she tells. I just chose not to ask questions I don't want to hear the answer to.

And you know this how?

Why even bother to ask anything?

Liars cheat and cheaters lie. She has to EARN your trust back but you need to earn her respect.

She cheated and lied because she does not respect you. You cannot demand respect. You need to ACT the way that she sees that you are serious and decisive with dignity and honour.

Women do not respect men who let themselves to be lied to, disrespected and manipulated.

She is ignoring the issue and you are enabling her to do so.

No dinners, no Mariachi serenades, no toe nail polishing. Lead her to you by her own will or you simply prolong this "friendship" while she is still disrespecting you and your marriage.

Would you be friends with someone who fired you from your job without a respectful dialogue?

Let go of her, drop the rope and get ready for changes.

Changes you can actually count on.

You can handle it.

Cheers.