I just wanted to comment that I thought it was a good thing your W is telling you how she feels and misses her family. Like Accuracy, my H has not once said he misses the family, or anything of what he has le behind. And FWIW, that's another sting to have to deal with emotionally and mentally. So look at it as a positive for now.
Take care,
Busting
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
No, flying didn’t cost me anything. It’s a nice perk having a friend that’s a pilot. I am usually comfortable in those small planes but yesterday I was all bent out of shape while flying. My friend will be taking his exam to become a flight instructor on Monday. So he used me as his test dummy. He will need to talk the instructor threw the different maneuvers as if he’s talking to a student pilot. We did over 3 hours of simulated emergency situations. How to land if there’s a fire, engine failure, stalls, etc..Wow did I have some sweaty palms and armpits by the time we were finished.
I currently work full time however getting an additional part time job is an idea I should probably consider. I currently make “OK” money with good benefits and I enjoy the job. The other idea is for me to look into a different full time job. In my line of work I could get a contract position. The downside is a contract position provides poor benefits and I currently have our kids covered under my health insurance. The kids could get switched back to W’s insurance however that would cost her about 400.00 more a month to add them. W probably wouldnt be to fond of that. The up side for me to start looking for a contract position is that my wages would almost DOUBLE. This whole garnishment thing stresses me out like no other!!!
I WILL also look into meeting with a financial planner and I really appreciated the verbiage for the email.
Finally, I need to realize and appreciate the comments my W made about missing her family. I am hoping for the best but I have no expectations.
Yes, I am in the dumps a lot but I was just reflecting on some of the things I am thankful for. I don’t know if things will work out with W or not but I am truly blessed to have had her in my life for the last 14 years. Oh geez, I am getting chocked up writing this. I am also so lucky to have 2 amazing children that I love so much.
My neighbors are amazing. I am nice to them and they are nice in return, imagine that! The other day one of them took me flying. Another one came by and invited the kids and I over to their house to just hang out. We had fun putting down a couple drinks while the kids picked fruits and vegetables from their amazing garden. Another neighbor stopped by and said “I consider you a friend, I am here for you. I’ve been in a similar situation before. You let me know if you need anything”. I am friends with another neighbor that’s a cop. He takes me for ride a longs every now and then. He patrols a really rough city so when I go on patrol with him it’s nonstop action. It’s a lot of fun.
Everyone from my helpful friends on this board to my great neighbors and my wonderful children. It’s amazing how caring people in the world can take a really awful situation and bring some sunshine into something that seems so grey. Love to all!
Me(M):37 W:42 Together: 14 Married: 11 D: 4 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12 Currently in DB stage
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
Tomorrow’s my birthday and it’s also W’s birthday. What are the odds that we have the same birthday! It will be such a sad day not spending our birthdays together. I will have the kids tomorrow so I will briefly see W when we do the “kids dropoff”. I don’t think I will be getting her a gift, maybe just tell her happy birthday. I really doubt she's expecting anything from me and getting her a gift just doesnt seem appropriate right now. Any thoughts?
Imagine that, I am asking for guidance again. I know a lot of my posts might not be the most upbeat but darn, I’ve been beaten down within the last year. As some of you might know my father passed away from a sudden heart attack almost a year ago. To commemorate the one year mark of his passing my mother and I will be scattering his ashes.
I will be an emotional SOB. I probably won’t be a strong, confident man on that day which is only a couple weeks away. Here’s my question. There’s three additional people who I might invite to attend. My W and our two kids.
My W loved my father but she’s consistently said some incredibly rude remarks about him over the years. The one that really sticks out was when she said “ I don’t care that he died” (I don’t know if W truly meant it, maybe it way out of frustration). She was always pleasant to my father but she despised him in a lot of ways.
She’s always felt that I was raised improperly by my father and that a lot of my shortcomings are a direct correlation of how he raised me. In other words, my father made a lot of mistakes throughout his life and W feels that I am less of a person because there was a lack of morals and guidance instilled in my upbringing.
I don’t know if I should let my W and kids know we are having the ceremony?
So, today’s been a wild ride. My W and I both had our birthdays today. I have the kids and she’s partying the night away with her single, slutty best friend. Whatever, right? I actually had a huge day. I think it’s a 180! I came up with a solution to stop the garnishment and I think I have a solution to save our house. I thought our house was going to be gone; we were so far behind I thought I only had a couple months left living here. Even though my W is leasing an apartment, I am working on saving the house we own without any assistance from W. I must say it’s quite empowering. I kinda messed up because I told my W my plans because she needed to know but bringing up financial stuff on our birthdays didn’t make her happy, oh well. I don’t think she would have enjoyed hearing about it birthday or not. I probably should have waited a day but it’s to late now. We plan on discussing the financials in the next day or two. I just saw one of the first signs of pure anger from her when I started bringing up my solution to saving the house we own. Accuray gave me sufficient warning. He said if you start to do 180’s the W can get pissed and I saw it in her, just nasty. She said we need to discuss it more. I just smiled and stated that “ I understand and I agree” Anyway, I will continue to forge ahead.
One of my concerns is that we have been amicable so far. No lawyers needed and I really hope we can keep it that way. I just don’t want to piss off the W to the point where she feels she needs to get lawyers involved. It just seems like a messy situation that could go downhill. But who knows, it could go even farther downhill without my solution style thinking!
I am starting to look for a second job and I will be looking for a roommate. I am on my way to a better financial situation. I’ve been busier then usual recently. It’s really helped keep my mind off the sitch, which is great!
OK, as I mentioned. I am working on saving our house. My W wants to do a short sale or let it continue going through foreclosure. I was currently able to stop the foreclosure process and I am working on getting things current with the lender all on my own! It’s interesting that W wanted to try everything to save the house and now that we are separated and she has her own apartment on a 9 month lease she doesn’t want to save the house.
Here’s the problem. I need a place to live, I love our house, I have a nice backyard for my big dog, the kids love the house. It’s the house they grew up in. To be honest, W moved out because she thought we were losing the house and now that I am saving it, I think she wants the back even though she’s saying it might be good to let it go into foreclosure.
My W sent me an email saying she has a call into a counselor for an appointment for both of us. Not to work on the marriage but to discuss finances. I don’t think I want to go!!! I would rather just try and talk it out with W but that might not be a good idea. We have never dealt with a mediator, that could be an option? I am concerned that if I don’t go to the counseling appointment with W that things could escalate and she might consider getting a layer and I don’t want to go down that route if possible.
I feel I am doing a great 180 here but also possibly opening a can of worms BUT I CANT JUST SIT BACK AND DO EVERYTHING THAT W WANTS IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE HER HAPPY, THAT NEVER WORKED ANYWAY.
Hello Roughenough, I just read thru your story. I went thru the trying to say the house issue several years ago with my ex. She refused to sell it and it drove us deeper in the whole. Plus there were so many memories and if she could not have it she did not want me to have it. So in short it became a huge burden that really kind of turned things very sour.
Everyone kept telling us to get rid of it but sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
You have to be honest with yourself. If you can afford it and it is not causing undue stress to your R then keep it. If it is in any way a burden and you are trying to hold onto it to try and prove something then I am not sure that is the wise move. If you want to show your W that you are making changes then take a hard look at what she has now recommend you do and sell the home or let it go. You are much better off trying to short sale the home as it will do less damage to both your credit.
I know it is hard but in the end a house is just a thing and can be replaced. Good luck,
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
