Go there. Have dinner. Keep topics light and breezy. Lead. Talk about current topics in the news.
In the past few weeks, all of our outings have been like this. We have a lot of fun. We rarely talk R. There is zero tension between us when we go out. It is all eye contact when we talk. It is like this never happened.
If she brings up about the loss of job.
Say. " I have confidence that you will find another job. How is the looking going. Any leads. "
She has already been talking to me about this. I tell her that she is going to be fine, to go out on her own. This is a 180 as in the past when she was looking, she wanted to go out on her own and I was negative. I told her to take the safe route working for someone else. She complained how I would never take a risk.
Do not say " I know. Here is 20k to tide you over." It is July. You know she wanted to go away with OM. Giving her any extra money will just enable the affair even longer.
I am weak, but not that weak. I have my own things that I need. W knows this. She knows I am buying a complete bedroom set and new car.
If she brings up about needing money.
Here is what I want to say: "You know how I feel about this. I told you in May that I was not going to help you financially while you were seeing someone."
I have no problem with her needing time away. I would pay for the apartment if she didn't have the OM. The OM is the reason she gets no financial support. My Ds love her apartment. I like my two nights without the Ds so I can have fun. (When W and I do things, I try to do them on her nights without the Ds. I want that satisfaction of her giving me valuable time.)
If she brings up relationship talk.
She never does.
Problem is that I have already had this talk with the W. First time was early May. We didn't talk for a few weeks. We didn't do much together at all.
What changed is when I went on a trip with a friend. This upset her. We went out for a drink the night before I left and had a great time. That lead to doing more together.
About two weeks ago after another great night is when I asked about OM and she replied "Not so much". That is why I did the trip with her. I wanted to put a nail in that coffin. I wanted to show her what she was missing, something she has wanted to do with me in the past.
But on our trip, it seemed as it wasn't "Not so much" anymore. That is why I think I need to go back and say something like:
"We have had a lot of fun over the past few weeks and on our trip. I was under the impression that you and OM were done. Apparently that isn't the case. I have decided that I will not be involved in an open marriage. It is disrespectful to the marriage. It is disrespectful to the children. It is disrespectful to me."
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
