Going dark/NC is about protecting you-something you need right now. Your emotions are going to continue to flip-flop for a while. Expect it.

About your anxiety, you might look into meditation. It can really help if you practice it.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss