TIME for a change

[Broken74]

Thanks scared,

Going forward, I'm going to always be a kind and thoughtful person, but I'm done being a "nice guy". That book really pegged me, my behavior patterns, and my past relationships. I have always went over the top with my "giving" to women, and been drawn to women with significant issues that I thought I could help or fix. I've finally figured out fixing other people is not my responsibility. I'm also sober now. I have had a social beer for business reasons here and again over the past few months but am done getting intoxicated. I was binge drinking before to medicate other problems in my life, I have learned that is counterproductive and won't be doing that again.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that R with my W is highly unlikely. I am more than willing to put the work in but she is obviously not interested. I am going back LRT but am not confident that will do any good, and when I file given her recent behavior chances are she'll sign and that will be a rap. If that happens I will be just fine. I finally realize my value as a man and partner and the fact that is no way tied to anything materialistic or fiscally related.

I also finally see that my future is bright either way. I have done the best I could and loved, protected, and provided for my W and stepkids the best way I knew how, although I did make significant mistakes along the way. I took on a pretty heavy load in falling in love with a single mother of three with two totally deadbeat dads in mix. I've came to accept that maybe I'm just not the best man for this particular job, and that sometimes our best just isn't good enough.

Man when I go back and read this I feel like I've been defeated and am giving up. I've worked hard at things in my life, but I've never worked harder or invested the emotional energy that have in trying to fix my sitch. Despite my changes, forgiveness, prayers and unconditional love, nothing I've done over the past 10 months has helped my situation significantly at all. I accept the fact that my W very well has left me for good for the first bloke that she got a response from on match.com. Maybe he's the perfect man for the job, if so I hope he makes her and my stepkids happy.

So back to the LRT for me. My oldest SS 17th birthday is Sunday. I'm giving him a card and an SAT study guide. Spending the weekend with my parents and brother in celebration of my Mom's 70th birthday this week, very much looking for it.

I guess this turned into a journaling exercise as I just started spewing lol. Thanks again for your question and feedback scaredsilly you really got me thinking...

Good luck to you and all in your respective sitch's!