got invited to in-laws for dinner yesterday for h's b'day. lots of little things - some +ve some not so much, but all in all held myself in a good place. came home and then talked to him on the phone fro a bit - actually had the confidence finally to very calmly, cheerfully ad easily tell him after 11 yrs that i preferred if he didn't tell me how i felt. i think he was slightly disconcerted, but i kept the conversation warm and friendly and light, and so it ended positively. he had done it again last night and actually added when i said i didn't feel that way - yes you do, i'm telling you that you do!!
today, i was a bit nervous about some of the things that had gone down last night between us, expecting total withdrawal. but s's weekend plans made it so i had to call and leave a message for him. didn't hear the phone when he called back, and got a voicemail - warm voice and the longest message he's left since BD - very friendly, co-operative and for him -practically long winded
so then i returned his call a while later . when i said so s and his friend don't want to hang out at your new house while you work (it's still gutted) so they can play here if you want (he's got s on the weekend). he interrupts me and says abruptly - i have to give up the house anyway. i said what house, quite confused - and he proceeded to tell me about how he had given up the rental aug 1st. then he says - i'm going to stay at my parents, is that ok with you? i didn't reply, so he rushed on saying well i have to do that, i don't have any choice do i? (WTF????)
i asked if he was okay and he said why do you ask? i said you seem a bit tense. oh i'm just fine everything is okay. he got a bit sarcastic about how it was going to take another year to get this house done - i laughed and said, oh my gosh are you saying you're staying with them for a year to which he replied oh no it will probably take another couple of months. then he asked why i paused after he asked if it was okay with me, and i said i didn't know what to say, as i don't expect that he would need my okay about where he was going to live.
then he complained for a few minutes about what a harrowing day he had today. i asked him if everything had been resolved and he gave some muddled answer.
the "i don't have a choice, do i" comment - was asked as a question. after he said it 3 or 4 times i asked if he was asking me if he had a choice or was it a statement - he quickly replied no he wasn't asking me. i just said- just confirming, wasn't sure what you meant
the conversation ended positively - as in - he noticed he was getting too comfortable talking with me. as soon as i picked up on that i said well i'm giving the phone to s talk to you later.
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
