Swimming with certain Turtles

[zig]

thanks reaching- it's nice to know that i am exuding confidence through my posts (grin). that's quite a new one for me - the woman who didn't have the confidence to leave the house about a year ago!! so i relish what you say and hold it close to me - it means more than you can imagine! Thank You:)

i will tell you though - i have worked hard to get it - i have never ever experienced this before - didn't really understand that it existed. i don't feel it all the time - still have to talk myself there, but am noticing that the last few days i have to talk myself to it a little less frequently.

as for you - i hear the slight discomfort about yourself. i have to say that i read your post the day it was written , and have been mulling a bit over what to reply - i have the "feeling" about what to say but not sure if i can articulate it.

i think it comes down to resolving one's inner core issues. the more one works towards doing that, the more one's confidence in oneself begins to grow. what i found really helped was to start appreciating myself and to begin being amazed at what i was capable of, during this sitch. i had never imagined i could be capable of some of things i have been able to do

so i used every difficult interaction with h, where i could act as if, as fuel for that. if i could get through some horrible conversation with him where i didn't lose it, or a family dinner at his parents where i smiled and acted completely fine, an hour after he had dropped some mini-bomb - i would come home and stand in front of the mirror and say - you are way more than i ever expected you to be. i started to become impressed with my own abilities to hold it together under what i perceived as really trying circumstances.

and as the weeks and months flew by, as i watched myself consistently able to keep doing it, i appreciated myself more and more and my confidence grew slowly. then it took leaps and bounds just in the last few weeks as i went through resolving so many of my own issues.

so take whatever little thing you do successfully each day - and congratulate yourself on being able to do it. appreciate yourself and acknowledge to yourself , for yourself what little thing , everything you have accomplished (if it's as little as getting out of bed, because you just want to hide under the covers instead).

and reaching - as you do this - little by little you can see a shift in yourself - and instead of standing up straight for your h - you will just be standing up straight all the time - for yourself.

those skirts and tank tops you wear now with slight trepidation - as you grow more confident, will flow around you and be made more beautiful because of you, and you will feel it. go smile at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how proud you are to be you, and imagine how strong and confident you are.

i couldn't have said this a year ago - but i think the confidence is there within us - we just have to draw it out, to allow it to come out.

i used to be worried about h being so much younger than me - now, i don't care. love isn't about age nor is attraction - so let go of the belief that it is age that makes you not look younger. it's what we feel inside that makes us look a certain way.

i think that on some level, all of us lbs's simply didn't love ourselves enough, weren't confident enough - and on our journey now - that's one of the big goals we have to reach - loving ourselves tremendously and feeling confident enough that no matter what, we are going to be okay and we can handle whatever life throws us. (i'm working on that too, grin!!)

so big hugs -

zig