LDWife, I think it's time to change your username!!
It's really fantastic that you both are reading The Sex-Starved Marriage together to help gain greater understanding of each of your feelings. It's very important to remember to work hard at being empathetic and doing real giving in marriage. For those who haven't yet read the book, I will define real giving.
People tend to give to one another in the way they like to receive. But that's NOT real giving. For example, if when you're down and out, you prefer to solve problems alone, you're likely to give your spouse "space" when s/he is feeling bad. But your spouse may be a person who really likes it when you ask, "What's wrong," "Can we talk?" So, when you leave your spouse alone, you're projecting onto him or her your needs. But that's not real giving.
Real giving is when you give your spouse what s/he needs and wants whether you understand, like or agree with it or not. You do it because good marriages are based on mutual caretaking.
This doesn't mean that you have sex each and every time your husband wants or that he never, ever initiates sex. This means that you both try hard to consider each other's feelings and stretch yourselves, even if you're not always in the mood to do so.
It sounds like you're both doing that wonderfully. I'm glad that this board and the book have helped. Keep up the great work! Keep DBing! You're on your way to being real successes! Michele
