TIME for a change

[Broken74]

Thanks Brit and Dakota! :-)

Brit, I realize it is frustrating for anyone who posts to me to watch me flail in the face of their advice. I mean no disrespect in doing this, I am idiot in terms of this/my repeated failures in DB practice. I literally cannot seem to help myself... Lost's synopsis above is probably spot on, if she uses the service again I'll be surprised, which may be helpful as it takes away the catalyst for my spinups...

I agree with what you are saying but my not pursuing doesn't work either, I've done it for months at a time. Chances are she is still seeing the OM. If that is the confirmed to be the case on 8/27 then I am DONE. I really don't have expectations with my recent actions, and I let her use my music service so it's not like I'm snooping of something that's hers, I realize the outcome is the same, my mind reading... I am going to do my best to take your advice and STOP and not be over the top when we communicate.

In regards to what I want, I either want us both actively engaged in working on our R, or I'm going to close the book and move on with my life. I know I'm a good man and I know I'm a good husband, I don't need her to validate that in any way. The reason I bring up the financial stuff now is it was a key part of my problem. Because of my trying to be a "nice guy" and give her and the kids anything and everything, I overextended myself, ended up resenting her for it, and then drinking and verbally abusing her fueled by my pent up resentment. I can say I'm not in competition with the other man. I have women that are more desirable than W pursuing me at this point although I am not engaging them. The issue is I love my wife and stepkids, and because of that these women are not really interesting to me at this point. The girl I broke with because I told her I still have feelings for my W is also still pursuing me. All this said I don't need my W or anyone else to validate my value as a man or partner, I know what I bring to the table.

In regard to my choosing to file, this was something that Cheryl (DB coach) and I discussed. Consider it the "absolute last resort" of the LRT. Bear in mind I haven't physically seen my W and stepkids since mid-February. In terms of my thought process she is probably still seeing the OM, while she is still driving a car that I own. Our marriage is over anyway, I will not tolerate her choices a day longer that I legally have to unless something significant changes at this point. This is my boundary, although at this point she doesn't know it yet. I am not looking for a scene or dramatic outburst, if she signs it that day, then so be it, I will need to figure out how to get my car and a few other belongings back and never look back. I can be pretty cut and dried, if she hasn't came to grips with everything that's happened in the past year and see the ways that I've changed, quite frankly she doesn't deserve me.

I agree time for me to start acting as if, starting with no texting. I also agree I have been 2 steps forward and 2 steps back, which yields no progress.

You weren't harsh Brit, you tell it like it is and I appreciate it. I've said it before but I'm really going to work it this time... Thanks again for your feedback!

Dakota,

Thanks for your feedback as well friend. I am almost at the point where you are, I am ok with whatever happens. Obviously my desire is to try to give it another go, but it's kind of a snowballs chance in hell I feel.

The text and phone call delays were my attempt to play "as if". You're right I am just going to be me, and we'll see what happens. Thanks again Dakota, I know things are going to continue to look up for you and your kids!

Good luck to you guys and everyone in your respective sitch's!