I haven't posted on your thread in awhile because I have to admit i feel a bit frustrated. So I apologize in advance if this comes out not a 2 x 4 but freaking acme anvil like Wil E Coyote!

You never seem to learn that you have to stop pursuing.

STOP.

you want to know how I became cool, calm, collected. Because I forgave him, I forgave myself, I decided that I had no power in what our R would be whether it was strangers, acquaintances, friends, etc. I had to end expectations that kept hurting me. And whether you believe it or not everytime you send a text, buy a gift, look at her music service/fb/etc, you have an expectation.

You have to STOP. That's the first step. Let her come to you and when she does BE NICE. (what was all that ignoring her question about the address...you ignored two texts and a phone call? that's game playing!!!! and I think you add too much emotion into a brief exchange to her..I have not texted H I hope you have a really good day at work or whatever because it's not something I'd say to my best girl friend..it's too touchy feeling. I know you say you're being nice..but it's overkill trust me.)

What do you want out of this? think long and hard. Part of me for a little while has suspected you want her to want you back to validate the fact that you're a good man who is a good husband. That's why you bring up all you've done for her in the past financially. Do you want her back so that you've "won" over the other man?

You have to find that inside of you and not take her not choosing to be in this M as a rejection of you and everything you've done for her.

I think you're using this "filing" as a trump card..it's your way of putting a timeline on it. And what's going to happen if you file and she very quietly signs it? And you don't get a big scene or dramatic outburst...

You're expecting that either she'll come back or you can decide to cut her out of your heart completely and move on and it'll all be over.

If you want to be calm, collected, etc like you said on my thread...then start doing it. It's that simple. Act as if. And the first step is no texting.

And it's not about being NC and being really good about it. A month of NC can be ruined by one pursuit. one little text. So if you pursue then go dark then pursue then go dark you're not making any progress.

Sorry if that's harsh....I just feel like we've had these convos before....