funny in one of your earlier posts about your h telling you how you maybe be feeling upset.
just bit the billet myself tonight and told my h that it would be wonderful after all these years if he could allow me to state my own feelings instead of telling gm what they were.
hope you're doing well - and great list of positives you have there
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I don't how you do it. I flip if I see a clue that H spent the night at OWs place and your H freely gives out info about him and OW. I give you props! You are very strong!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
They live together. He told me he was moving in with her in May. After that they started "checking" in wherever they went on Facebook. After seeing them going to museums, pretty romantic places, museums I tried to get him to go to, weddings in the country, I hid him from my timeline and someone gave me some great advice around mid-June he's not in a R with me. My marriage is over. Je's with her. And I got do so tired of letting him and his life with her consume my thoughts. I found a way to be happy for him (not that he'd found her) but happy that he was seeing a concert or something.
I realised a funny thing happened since I came here two threads ago and said I was done! I had my coaching session and H stepped up with S, we have become better friends, and this is the longest we've gone since the split with no blow ups or R talk and yet he's flirty at times.
I was thinking last night how different I felt the last time I hung out with my friend about a month ago. I was scattered brained, couldn't stop thinking about H. And how quickly things change. I'm not acting as if anymore!
Today was a great day for me and H and our friendship!
I got a phone call from the company I'm renting from who've decided to put in a whole new bathroom in my house. Amazing! I was so excited I immediately texted H and said I'm getting a new bathroom! he replied we talked about that.
Then after lunch he sent me a text and said there were huge thunderstorms (in the town where he works) and it was just like the time you'd get where we used to live. he said "it's like being home again" I texted him and said that he was trying to make me emotional LOL and that with weather like this we should be (and I listed a few things from back home..painted a little picture that previously would have made us both homesick) then I told him how crazy work was...so it wouldn't just be a "reminiscing text" He replied just about work, made a joke and it was nice.
A bit later I texted him about some flooding near him and we talked about that.
I don't over think things and it just flows. He's coming over tomorrow night and we're doing yard work together.
I feel like I'm now getting that friendship that I was so upset about mid June. Things are so much better....because I dropped the rope. Stopped expecting things or hoping things, stopped giving my friendship on the condition that I got the friendship that I wanted to have with him and instead accepted what he was offering. I kept telling myself that I needed to do that for a long time, it just took awhile to go from my head, to my heart, to my actions.
I agree with Verab and have to say, it amazing the progress and fortitude you have shown in such a short amount of time... I have been trying to emulate your calm, cool, collected style which works fine until I try to communicate with W in any way... lol
Keep up the good work!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
So this is why I love this place. I was posting on someone else's thread and had a revelation about my own sitch!
Thanks GRACE!
You know how it really got under my skin when H said "please don't be mad" I think this is why...
Which is why when H said "please don't be mad" in a text the other day because he's used to feisty Brit pulling her earrings off and throwing shoes (not literally!) Instead I said I hate that you assume that of me. I'm not going to do that and I'm sorry if I did in the past.
I think I got upset because he was reminding me of the behaviour that I feel like I've grown past. I've learned to be still rather than react, I've learned to trust instead of being suspicious that people are using me, I've started to "assume the good"
He was telling me I EXPECT you to be angry and spiteful, I EXPECT you to see me as using you as a place to store my stuff instead of knowing that I am going to move it out with I have the other vehicle fixed.
And it hurt me because I've grown and he still doesn't see it or believe it.
And instead of knowing why it was upsetting me I did get angry and frustrated at him (but only put it on the boards!) I was actually upset because he was reminding me of my faults and behaviour I'm not proud of.
Wow. It paid off though. I reassured him but not reacting that way, instead apologising for my past actions and stating that it was hard to know he felt that way. And then when he came over telling him that I don't think that way at all. He immediately back tracked both times and said no, no I didn't think you did.
And I think that was him bracing himself and then saying of course I know Brit is a nice person. And then today we had positive interaction.
Why does no one teach you this stuff when you're 12?
Why does no one teach you this stuff when you're 12?
Brit I honestly think that not enough people have the skills that we are learning here to make it possible!! But yes - it should be a mandatory class!
Also I think it's great that you had the lightbulb moment while helping someone else. It reminds me of the alleged Confucius proverb - "I see and I forget. I hear and I remember. I do and I understand" (or something like that). We learn here by doing - not just for ourselves but with each other. That's the beauty of it
Hope you had a fabulous night as I imagine it's the middle of the night for you now!
