Nothing doing over here. I have started playing my Xbox Kinect again, but can't do much. I’ve been having more back issues lately, and have been just laying around at home mostly, which s&cks. I’m planning some trips out of town soon, and I’m excited about that. I’m going to the beach both times so it’ll be nice to get away and just relax.
My H has still being helpful, and what appears to be caring and concerned about me with all the back stuff. I know not to read too much into this. It just gets so strange to think we are acting like a perfectly happy married couple. A loving, happily married couple. It makes me laugh just thinking about it.
He hasn’t been sleeping all that well since the incident Friday night. We haven’t talked about it again, but he did mention the other day that he was up thinking about what happened. He and his mother also go into it about us not going to the family gathering because he’s upset with one of his cousins. He told me she asked him what he wanted the cousin to do to make up for what he deems as wrong doing. He said he didn’t know. (I feel the same way about our M. Right now he doesn't know of a way to make "us" better, so he'd rather there just not be an "us") He just seems really angry at certain things right now. And while I will admit, he doesn’t seem outwardly angry at me, it worries me to think how much worse it’s going to get before it gets better.
Since my H has been laid off, he’s been in cleaning mode. He mentioned the other day that he wanted to get into our storage room while it was not so hot and get it cleaned out. Of course my first thought was that he was doing this to go through his stuff in preparation for his move. But I didn’t say this to him, although I did want to ask. I just told myself that at least the storage room would be clean and I wouldn’t have to do it.
He told me today that he is planning to start cleaning out our 2nd bedroom (really a storage room/guest bedroom) next week. I said “Wow, you’ve really been in a cleaning mood.” He said, “Well, I have the time, so I might as well do it now. It gets tiring spending all day on the computer looking for a job.” I just said okay and that I appreciated him doing it.
Again, I got a pain in my gut thinking this is about his preparation to move, but I didn’t say anything this time either. If he moves he moves. I don’t want him to, but I can’t control whether he does or not. It hurts every time I think about it, but it is what it is. Eventually the pain will go away. I’m only doing what I can do right now. And that’s trying to be loving and caring to someone is so clearly very lost.
