Quote:

If your perspective is causing you stress, then change it right?


Right! So if I don't like feeling rejected, sad or angry then am I really conducting a harmful level of repressing these feelings?

I'm not immune to them IF I choose to believe in them, but if I see "why" I'm angry or sad or rejected, am I really repressing them if I choose not to feel that way? Why worry if I know I'm going to be fine? Why pop off on someone if I know that expressing my anger only builds natural defenses and I'll fail to get my point across? Anger is something I used to focus on in the gym when I was a regular and I often found it distracting as one thought would lead from one to another and another.

I think I'm making progress in that strangely enough, I'm noticing women more often these past two weeks. Seems kind of odd to me and I'm not sure I'm explaining that right, but I've never been one to have a wandering eye. I've always been mindful of not putting myself into a situation I didn't want to be in and hated it when the neighbors would get all hands-ey on me knowing that it bothered me. It only made me angry that they would persist even after I told them that I didn't oggle women or like being touched by them out of respect for my W. I've always been that way. Either way, I see them and I've been watching me noticing them in a curious sort of way. I'm not of the mind that I'm ready to date. I'm noticing the opposite sex in the way that I'm curious about if there's someone in my future and what kind of person would they be. I'm wary of my potential to string someone along unfairly knowing my heart is not ready. It's just nice to have "feelings" I've not had in a long time.

Quote:

If your perspective is causing you stress, then change it right?


Ugh! After the past few years of of living like this, knowing my W wanted nothing from me but to escape and shows me nothing but contempt and irritation, it seems like it's still on me to do something. I just want a break from it all. I've been acting like more of an adult for a while now, so I guess it's on me to continue to do so and look at her.

She told me twice over the past year that she found it hard to look me in the eye because she didn't want to give me false hope. I know what she means by that and I don't want to look her in the eye and give her the impression I want to be a part of her BFF plan. I have my own path and looking at her would only be false confidence, but I suppose I have to start somewhere maybe today if she didn't forget about the kids activities.