No More LRT, but slow progress

[LostIn407]

Never did anything. Now is this true. Or is it because you worked a ton of hours to support your family ?

We moved from Las Vegas to Florida at the end of 2011. The Ds and her moved in with her father. I went back to Vegas to continue to make as much money as I could so we could adjust to making less in Florida.

What was supposed to be a month or two became six. After the job I thought I had fell through, I took the first job offered just to get to Florida to be with my family.

My W was extremely unhappy living with her dad and grandmother. Unhappy I was "living it up" in Las Vegas while she took care of of the Ds by herself.

I only visited them twice. This was because I was expecting to be flown to Florida for a final interview that never happened.

Six months apart. Less than 15 days together during that time.

Move to FL. Job is horrible. Horrible hours. Horrible pay. The 'help' we thought we would have being close to her family isn't there. It is a chore to get someone to help watch the kids so we can go out. W and her family do things (pumpkin patch, bbqs, etc) without me because I have to work.

I change to a crappier job with more pay but more hours. Things get worse. Looking back, I can remember times the W is really trying hard to get me to do things.

"Not talking. Ok that takes two. Does that mean that you came home and unwinded ? Or does that mean when there was an issue from either of you, you shelled ?"

Had to be at work over an hour away at 6am. I would goto bed early. I would get upset being so tired and dealing with young Ds. On my days off, I just wanted to do nothing.

At night, I shelled. I started to fall asleep on the couch. Told my W I just wanted time to unwind. It started out with me coming to bed at 2am and ended up with me just sleeping on the couch the entire night.

"Neglect : Serious. What you did not say "Honey you look nice today" or was it you were withholding sex. Did you feel neglected ?"

She got a job to help make ends meet. We had no help with the Ds. Couldn't afford daycare. Our schedules had us just passing by. When I was off, she worked. When she was off, I worked.

Getting D2 and D4 to bed at night was rough for me. By the time I got them to bed, W was already in bed. So I would retreat to the couch.

"Let yourself go : What you did not have the time to work out , work and be a father and a husband all at the same time ? Or was it because you wear a lose fitting shirt and slacks when she wants a jeans and a white shirt with some new shoes ?"

I got fat and lazy. I wore the same type of clothes daily. Baggy t-shirts and shorts. I was embarrassed with my body. I didn't want to have sex because I was embarrassed. My W tried hard to get physical with me.

I started to smoke occasionally. I didn't want to kiss my wife at times because I didn't want to get caught smoking.

She would call me at work and come see me with the Ds. I would get busy and not be able to talk.

"How many spare hours did you have in a week outside of work , chores, sleep and day to day activities ?"

Very few. They were only late at night after the Ds went to bed. I would say W and I had less than a few hours of just the two of us for quite some time.


W got a job. W became friends with older woman in building. OM is son of friend worked in the same building. Started to pay attention to her. W would say she was going to hang out with this woman after work. I pushed her to do this. I was happy there was someone she could have fun with since I wasn't able to do it. Every time she asked me if it was ok to hang out with her, I said of course, go have fun. I will watch the Ds.

I quit crappy job. Got a great job. Nights and weekends off. Money for daycare. Money to go out. Started to plan events together and do things. Too little, too late. PA with OM had been going on for 3 months. Bomb, love you but not, etc...



I see how I contributed to the failure of the M. I look back at texts and see where my W was reaching out to me. Now that I know what I know, I see between the lines of her texts on certain days. Her wanting me to tell her no, don't go out with your friend, spend time with me.

How I see it, what I am doing right now is a 180. We are spending time together. We are talking.