H came in to where I am working and said hi. I didn't look at him and replied hi. He asked how I was and I said fine thanks. He just stood in the door longer so I looked at him and asked him if he needed something, he said, just saying hi, I said hi again and then said I was working. He said "oooookay" and left. He came back later to say he was going to run errands, did I need anything. I said no thanks. He said he was going to get groceries if I needed anything. I said again, no thanks.
Shoot me now. Maybe I should just agree to sell the house for nothing to get away from him faster? Hmm...
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
H just threw a tantrum when he said that he was going to go take a nap in my bed and I asked him not to because I was not comfortable with him using it. He said that he thought it wouldn't be a problem as long as I was not sleeping in there. I threw out that it was my bed since I bought it before we were married. (This line of reasoning didn't work well, I won't use it again in the future.).
He left and came back and tried to get clever (in his brain) and said was I okay sleeping on the sheet shtat "we" purchased together? I didn't really follow this so I asked him to explain and I could tell he was seething. He said how could I separate the mattress which I claimed that I bought from the sheets which "we" purchased together? I explained that I was not comfortable with him sleeping in there given that he didn't want to have an R. Then he went on to say that neither the air mattress nor the couch mattress were very comfortable. I said I was sorry to hear that. He exasperatedly gave up and left again. I'm still in the office so I'm not sure where he ended up.
I feel like this just brings me back to me asking him why he was being so nice while we were still doing MC but he didn't want to be M anymore and he said it would make it "easier" to get through to D that way.
I remained calm and matter-of-fact throughout. So glad he is going away this weekend for a weekend of adolescent behavior and then traveling again next week and the weekend after.
He showed up at your work to check in after you came back....I know he's confused and is moving ahead with selling the house and serving you papers but I think he shows serious signs of still having a foot in the M.
When I was the WAW, I found a used futon for H to sleep on. I emailed him the ad, he said "I get the hint." I went out of town and he said he was enjoying having a real bed. 2 weeks later he was complaining about his back, by this time he'd started dating GF, and he said no I wouldn't feel right. Each time he's stayed at mine since he's slept on the couch.
Sorry - I should clarify, I'm working at home today, so it wasn't unusual for him to come into the home office.
I see your point about the futon. Cheryl and I had talked about ways to invite him back into the bed with no strings attached but after he moved forward on having me served and setting up the house sale I didn't feel like that would be healthy or safe for me, so I didn't do it.
But to answer your initial question . . . I don't see anything going on that would make me want to come back for an R right now Thanks for checking in, Brit.
oh sorry I meant to clarify I told him he could take the bed without me in it! I offered to take the futon for a bit, and when I went out of town he wouldn't sleep in my bed either. I just meant it was a shift that I now recognise that he had put in a boundary that wasn't there before, him not wanting to sleep in the bed when I wasn't there.
Oh Brit I think we had our wires crossed! Nothing new in the land of confusion
I left after work to go get groceries. Within 10 minutes I had a call and frantic text from STBX - "Are you going to be back for the realtor??" I waited a bit and replied "yes".
STBX tried to make small talk when I got back about the groceries. I'd bought a new thing of mayo and he said "Oh, I already got some, you can use mine" then offered to pay me for half of the large bottle of our favorite olive oil (it's not cheap - one of my few indulgences!). I said maybe he should just get his own bottle and then we wouldn't have to figure out splitting up the bottle once we moved out. I may be misreading but there seemed to be a little sadness in his face when he replied "You can just have it."
Realtor is coming in a few. Going to hit the gym tonight later!! And start working on my next painting, I think. It's a huge canvas that I want to hang over my bed. I never got to hang the painting I last finished in the house and it won't really fit in for staging (kinda looks like a kid did it! haha).
Well, I survived, and STBX seems to have recovered from his hissy fit earlier. Put on my pleasant face and actually wasn't very hard to act pleasant around the realtor, who was really nice. It sounds like her assessment was about the same as the guy from last week who put us at a price that's too low for me to handle.
I did ask about renting and her agency handles it. She suggested it wouldn't be hard to get more than our current mortgage amount in rent but said she would talk to her partners who handle rentals to see what they thought. STBX seemed receptive to the idea. Heck - if we could make money off of this for a few years, that's good news for me. Then maybe I could use the extra rent to pay down the mortgage faster to an amount I could refinance by myself?.... options are good.
Also, a weird thing happened while I was out earlier - I was walking down the street sneezing and some random guy behind me said "salud!" and again when I nearly tripped while sneezing at the same time. He struck up a little conversation about some things and we ended up walking for about a block chatting. After a minute or so he said "I'm not even sure why I'm telling you this, you just seemed like you'd be someone nice to talk to."
I can't even tell you how I probably would have run away before it even got that far in the past but today I just went along with it to see what would happen. I feel so much more open to the world (cheese alert!). That's pretty neat.
Thanks for checking in, Brit.