Thread #7 - What goes down, might come up.

[25yearsmlc]

25, I just signed up. Paid and everything. The woman that called me back asked who referred me...I couldn't say because W was in the room, but if you want to let someone know where I'm coming from, I'm good with that.

I'll hook you up w/EE. You're going to be VERY glad you did this. You are trusting a stranger --but hey, that's sort of what this place is all about. So trust the process that they designed there. It works. They're smart and there IS a plan for you to know WTF you are doing by the end of the weekend...remember I said, "trust their process."...

(oh and no, I don't get a kickback for this-but I ought to b/c enough of my peeps have gone! It has a high success rate).


I think W has been thinking hard about what she did yesterday. She's REALLY avoiding me since I got home from work.

or she's sulking.

I can't Wait til she sees you upon your return from the workshop.

Congrats on working to get UNstuck and breaking the cycle.

[Navyguy]

Well, just found out that W went to the hospital today because she was "tired and stressed". I talked to her on the phone and she said she is ok...but didn't give any details on what happened at the hospital. I guess I'll see if she wants to tell me when I get home from work.

[MrBond]

Did she go alone? Be sure she doesn't keep sticking you with the blame for HER unhappiness.

[25yearsmlc]

^^^....
going to the hospital (on base?) is probably faster than making an appointment.

So, if she comes back with a low thyroid or some other "Explanation for it all", then we can all be hopeful that she won't blame you for that

and that she'll actually take steps to heal.


But my gut says she's "stressed BECAUSE" of you wanting to have a marriage and family and all those other wacky high expectations of yours.

OTOH, I will send positive light her way and prayers that she's not physically sick for real.

You don't need that to deal with too...

but in case our guts are on target and this is just more of her and her "Stuff"

then the value of her seeing YOU in a better place soon, is hard to overemphasize. (Same for the kids, big time).

She'll envy your peace. She'll want it too.

The question will be whether she'll hope it lands in her lap, like "happiness" that she is simply entitled to, or if she DOES something to go get it.

Carry on Mike, you're on your way.

[Navyguy]

Sounds like it was just her "stuff". The doctors said there's nothing wrong and that it is probably just stress. They gave her some medicine to help with nausea, but that's it. She took the kids with her to the hospital.

She again spent the entire night out on the deck tonight. I went out and talked to her a bit, just to find out what happened at the hospital and make sure she was ok.

Our MC is set for next tuesday. Should be interesting. I'd say there's about a 50/50 chance that we don't even get to the 2nd session.

I'm really looking forward to EE. Don't worry either...I have no problem opening up to strangers anymore. My life is an open book for anyone that'll take the time to listen.

[greenblue90]

Hey Mike
Haven't checked in a while so sorry if I touch old stuff. Well the friend thing I'm in the total bs camp. As you know the friend story is usually cover for I'm interested in this person, and like I have said before if she prefers his company to yours it's not long until she finds herself wondering why she shouldn't be with him instead. At the very least you are inviting the comparison of why you can't be like him.

IMHO the whole you not letting her have friends thing is a total smokescreen, and most people cheating will throw that one out there to guilt you into letting them walk all over you. The friendship is inappropriate in my view and you are within your right to restrict it.......or.......she could just leave get the divorce and have all the improper relationships she desires.

I know of one story on post where a guy's wife just had a friend everybody told him otherwise but he wouldn't believe until he walked in on them. Very messy for the command as you can imagine.

As for the hospital thing, 25 can probably answer this better but I doubt they did much besides give her mild medication and press the NEXT! Button.

I think you need to continue moving forward, one day she may realize what's at stake here, it may even be before its too late. Keep chugging though or she'll just keep taking you for granted.

[Navyguy]

Yeah...the concensus here and with my friends/family is that the friendship is totally inappropriate.

And I realize that even if they are just friends, that can change in a heartbeat at any time.

Right now I am struggling with if and how I want to bring up the guy again. I feel like I do need to set a boundary, because it's really eating away at me.

She spends so much time on FB on her phone and guards the thing like it has the meaning of life on it...every time I see her on there I wonder if she is talking to him. I also still wonder all the time if he's going to Ohio w/ her next week. I'm leaning toward waiting until we are in MC so I can do it in a protected/controlled environment...but that's probably going to be the same day she leaves for Ohio.

[Starsky309]

I find that a stated boundary of "I will not share my wife with another man," or "I refuse to live in an open marriage" works pretty well.

[scaredsilly]

^^^ yep, there's no room for doubt with that.

[sayitaintso]

"I will not share my wife" sounds controlling to me, like she is your possession. I like the 2nd one much better.