I'm a new person

[LITB]

Thanks LITB. I decided that we are going to lunch on Sat (28th) to celebrate D1s and my bday. I invited my mom, younger bro and fiance, H as well. H is invited his mom and bro and sis. I feel so much better about this

I am glad to hear that you made something work that you feel comfortable with.

I did a DB act today I wanted to share.
When H opened his glove compartment I saw what looked like his shaving kit bag (was his camera case). I was quiet when I walked away from the car. He asked what was wrong and I told him. (not angry) and said, it's ok, it's none of my business. He quickly showed it to me. I said, sorry. I saw him before he drove off. He sat in the car and rubbed his face. He does this when he's stressed.

I realized how much I stress him out with I assume or confront him. I'm actually doing the same thing my bro and sis are doing to me, adding stress that I can't handle.

I called and said, I understand how you feel. You feel guilty about everything that happened and when I called you out on the case I reminded you of how you lost my trust, hence more guilt.

He really like this and reminded me AGAIN! that his focus is the kids. (I get it! believe me I get it!!)

I think this was a good example of detachment. I truly understand his sitch from an outsiders perspective.

I fixed it for you. Let him deal with his own emotions without interjecting.

Did the camera case (shaving kit case) affect you emotionally?

How about what he said about his focus being on your kids? Did that sting?

Do you calculate your words/actions while interacting with your H(walking on eggshells)?

I ask these questions to get a gauge on your detachment.

To be honest, I'm having doubts about going on this family trip. I'm not going to say anything but it's interesting that this was one of my goals and now... It's not. A family trip if he wanted R would be nice. Not minus the R.

This is a great opportunity to allow your H to see new vero and the bigger picture of a happy family. You have the tools and ability to make this happen.

I understand completely the doubts.

I also understand and respect if you are not ready for it.

Just my two pennies.