I think you and I were cut from the same mold. I'm the LD in my marriage and my H is the HD. I had sexual abuse in my past, and in the past, my H has sexually done things that I've specifically asked him not to do, or told him I didn't like... and he'd do it anyway.
I've never, ever had the experience of sleeping through sex. I'm not doubting you, it's just that that couldn't happen with me. If you sleep THAT deeply that someone can have sex with you without you waking up... could there be other things going on in your life that's causing you to sleep so deeply, and maybe affecting your sex drive?
I have to say that until I got over the sexual abuse I experienced in my past, I couldn't fix my marriage. I had THOUGHT I had gotten over it... but until I read Michele's book, I didn't realize that I just don't experience desire the way mainstream American culture conveys it. I don't get going, I don't start feeling 'physcial desire' until things get going. And because I don't, I'd rarely initiate sex... cuz I didn't feel 'desire' for sex...
Anyway, once I forgave myself for being completely NORMAL, I understood that the anger I would feel when my H would intiate any kind of physical touch was a defense mechanism gone haywire. My battle to fix my SSM was with myself and the haywire defense mechanism, NOT MY H. Once the sex got back on track, he was in a much better frame of mind to listen to me and hear me, and understand how he had hurt me, too. Which made it soooooo much nicer to have sex, and for me to WANT to have sex...
But I understand well your anger and your resentment, and I do know that you can work through it.
Your husband isn't a knight in shining armour. He's a man, with his own set of thoughts, feelings, great points, and drawbacks. Just like you.
You know the Don Henely song where he sings,
You ain't no picnic either, babe That's one of the things I love about you
The time will come around When we need to settle down We've got to get off This marry-go-round...
That's where you and your H are. Romantic love exists for about one to two years... and then life comes in and takes charge, and you've got to figure out how to keep YOURSELF in the game, and not depend on the other person to do it for you. That sounds simple, but it's a tough concept to put into practice.
You'll get there. You wanting to find answers is the biggest part of the battle.
