TIME for a change

[Broken74]

You're right LITB! My GAL activities are in abundance (work, church, basketball, tennis, golf, working out, hanging with friends), the clock I'm talking about is starting a new LRT streak since I botched up today...

Will I be ready to file on 8/27? Probably not, but that is a boundary I have set for myself. I have done everything within my power to try and reconcile a new R with my W, as I know our marriage as it was is dead. My sitch is somewhat ridiculous compared to most, everyone I know personally who is familiar advised me to run many moons ago. I have stood fast and will have done so for a year, but I'm not going to stay in limbo any further when she has made no significant moves toward me at all. I have been doing nothing but showing unconditional love for her and my stepkids for months, life is too short for me to continue chasing cheeseless tunnels after a year I feel. If nothing happens before and my filing does not cause an epiphany for her, then nothing will and I will full bore be moving on with my life.

I made many mistakes in our R and marriage, but the good far outweighed the bad and she will readily admit to this. I picked her and her three children up when they were down. I overextended myself financially in doing this based on my "nice guy" m.o. and harbored resentment as a result when I wasn't treated the way I wanted in return. This was a catalyst for my drinking and handful of verbally abusive epsisodes that ultimately pushed her into the arms of OM and put the nail in the coffin of our M.

I think I finally "get it" now. I see why I behaved the way I did, and I know it will not happen again in the future. I haven't seen her or my stepkids since Valentines day, so there's really not much of way for her to see any of my changes. The thing I still don't get is the discipline to abide by the DB principles because I keep screwing up.

Thank you for your read and ?'s LITB, I think about your statement often. I feel I have given my M my best shot within a window of time, but I would be selling myself short if I leave that window open forever. Living in limbo is no fun. Maybe I will reconsider this depending on what happens in the next 47 days, but as for now this is my plan, in addition to restarting my LRT. If I don't have some self-imposed "deadline" to work toward I will drive myself crazy... :-(

Thanks again for your feedback and questions, greatly appreciated!