Quote: Do I think you should go out and ask 100 people on the street if they would consider that rape before you destroy your marriage? YES!
I've been contemplating contacting my local talk radio stations to discuss this topic. I'm also curious to see what Dr. Laura would have to say.
Quote: ...get these crazy notions out of your head. Why are you so eager to blame him and so reluctant to examine why you are doing this to your H and your marriage? Lots of people initiate sex in their sleep
I'm not so eager to blame H and reluctant to examine my own problems - I am the one who sought therapy! You keep saying "initiate"... My H isn't "initiating" sex; I'm waking up just as he's about to come. Here's an image for you to chew on... I do not like anal intercourse and my H is aware of this. I have woken to the feeling that I need to have a bowel movement when I realize he's having anal intercourse with me. But this is just H showing how much he loves and respects me, right? He's just trying to be intimate with me, right?
Quote: ...she started withdrawing from him sexually as soon as the marriage started. And now that she starts the process of counselling that might teach her how to be in a more intimate (and therefore more vulnerable) relationship with her H, she finds a reason to take the focus off of her very obvious problems and put the blame back on her H. I think it's obvious that she's terrified of a really good loving intimate R because then she would have to be more open and vulnerable.
We had a wonderfully intimate and sexual relationship for the first 3 years. For those first few years, we probably ML every night or every other night! We were truly connected and intimate. The first time H ever disrespected me was shortly after he proposed. Why is it so hard for you to understand that I am not afraid of vulnerability, of being intimate? I didn't seek counselling to be taught how to be more intimate! I sought counselling to find out why I wasn't sexually attracted to a man who I've always considered my knight in shining armour. I wanted to know why I have no desire to even fake it with him now.
Quote: ...the majority of districts would deem such a situation spousal rape, with attempted rape the lesser charge. ...
dismissing that as "okay" and blaming it on one person's trauma seems a bit harsh to me, as a woman and a wife. /-:
Lina: Thank you so much for speaking up, I truly appreciate your voice!
Honeypot: Yes, I have broken him down over the years. I have had tremendous guilt thinking I must have tricked him into marrying me. I thought I must have been pretending to enjoy sex so much before becoming his wife. I've been very depressed due to the guilt I feel. I can't tell you how manytimes I've thought he would be so much happier with someone else. However, as I said earlier, it's not as if I rejected him all the time. I did take his feelings into consideration and was a wife as much as I could. Last month after I initiated twice in one week, he went right back to wanting it every night! I'm sorry, but I'm not into it every night, especially when I'm working through my feelings.
Yes, I am certain he is awake when he does this to me. As soon as I stir or wake up, he stops dead in his tracks like he's guilty and ashamed. He doesn't apologize, but I know he's aware of how hurt and angry I am. The last time he did this, I called my therapist crying the next day. She told me to have him call her to set up an appointment. He seemed to grasp the enormity of it all just by having to see her. I do have to give him credit for going and continuing to go. He's showing me that he is finally taking this seriously, but after putting up with it for so long, I'm afraid that I'll never be able to fully respect or trust him. I'm not saying I want to rush out and get a divorce, I think I need to start all over with him. Is that so wrong?
