Quote: Yes, he is awake and I'm fast asleep when this happens. In the past, he's said that he can't help it. He's said that he's half asleep and didn't realize he was doing it. He's even said that he hoped he would turn me on and that I'd wake up and join in. He says he feels disgusted with himself now and that it just isn't like him to do such a thing to someone he loves. He tells me I'm everything to him and everything he ever wanted in a wife. He misses me and wants our intimacy back.
These are your own words. This is NOT the equivalent of someone holding you down and dateraping you - can't you see the difference? And can't you see how devastating it must be to your poor H to be treated as if he was doing something horrible when he's not?
My plea for support or advice was due to the fact that I need to come to grips with the fact that H doesn't or hasn't respected me as a woman/wife!
How does your H desperately wanting and needing to be with you translate into him not respecting you? Why are you so devoted to trying to drive him away that you not only reject him at every turn but ascribe the worst possible motivations to him? Your children deserve that you take a serious look at your part in this R, and I have to tell you, you are sounding like you have some very serious issues with your past that you are totally projecting onto your poor patient husband. Don't do this to the poor guy, okay? He doesn't deserve it.
Look, I'm not trying to bash you here, I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to protect you from feeling the horrible pain when the H you always figured would want you tells you he doesn't love you anymore and doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. It's hideous, and trust me, you don't want to end up there.
Your H is not your opponent. He loves you and is patient and motivated enough to go to counseling with you - many men would have given up years ago after being treated like this. Appreciate that. Quit attacking him. Tell him you are sorry for your part in this and that you want to work with him, not against him. Own up to your own responsibility in this.
You know, many of us have fears of abandonment. And when that fear gets too great, some of us respond by trying to drive our spouses away - after all, wouldn't that be less painful than being broadsided by abandonment? (Kind of like dumping a guy you're dating before he has a chance to dump you?) You really need to get to the bottom of why you are doing this to your H.
