But this is one path for you to follow. And one that you can not do unless your 100% committed and emotionally strong enough to do.
I would sit him down.
I would say.
"You and I both know that you crossed a boundary with ______ ( say her name ). This is unacceptable. Not only have your actions put our marriage in jeopardy. But they have also put your's and ____ ( say her name ) careers in jeopardy during these economic difficulties."
Pause. Let the silence fill for a second or two. If he starts to apologize or gaslight say the following.
" Stop. I am talking now. You will listen. And when I am done talking you can think about what you want to do."
If he starts to say you did it so why should he not.
" Stop. I am talking now. You will listen. I am talking to you about your unacceptable actions. And when I am done talking you can think about what you want to do."
Pause. Let it sink in. Then continue.
" You and I have struggled the past three years to save our marriage. You are now seeing and feeling the difficulties of adultery on the other side of the coin."
Pause. If he says he is not or anything. Just say.
"Please stop. I find this lying very unattractive. I am talking now. You will listen. And when I am done talking you can think about what you want to do."
Pause.
"I have decided that I want to save this marriage. I am 100% committed to repair our marriage. But I will not do this alone. I will not remain in an open marriage. I will not tolerate lies. I will not tolerate limbo while you go find yourself. I will not tolerate less than 100% commitment to our marriage. I will not tolerate any communication with _____"
Pause.
"You will decide if you want to peruse this relationship with ____ or if you want to recommit 100% to the marriage. Any thing less than 100% commitment will result in divorce. I will start the process within 2 days."
Pause.
"I am finished talking. I am going to go be by myself now to think."
Then get up and walk away.
And do not say another single word to him.
This will kick you out of limbo and will start you down the path of recovery or it will start you down the path of D.
But the path of D can be stopped. But at this time it will be used as a weapon against the affair.
Just a reminder. This is of my opinion. Based on your history.
Last resort Technique.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
