Quote: Were all of the above characteristics so important to me that I could ignore the fact that he didn’t respect me? Was it the fact that he seemed to respect everything about me except for when we were in the privacy of our bedroom, and I would be fast asleep beside the man I love and trust and feel so happily secure with? This is extremely hard to deal with. My husband has been sexually abusing me since I accepted the role of his wife.
LD - get a grip on yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't you see what you are doing? Your history of molestation in childhood is causing you to view your H as a molester because he wants to make love to his wife??? Do you WANT to be stuck in a victim mode all your life? Wake up!
Pardon my bluntness here, I'm trying to help you see how screwed up your vision of your H is before you blow this marriage and screw up your kids lives. A man wanting to make love to his wife is NOT about him trying to "get something" for himself! It's about him wanting to connect and express his love to you. And yes, lots of H's will initiate in the middle of the night - he's awake, he wants you desperately, your attractive body is lying there next to him, he's lucky enough to be married to this goddess, he hopes you'll wake up when he starts initiating and say "ooh baby I want you too!".
You need to get rid of all the baggage and love your H the way he deserves to be loved. You need to quit "protecting" yourself from the person who loves you most and open up to him. And you need to deal with your low drive by just doing it even when you're not feeling particularly aroused. Focus on giving HIM pleasure. Because you love him and he's a good H and father. Because that's what people who love each other do for each other.
I suffered through a period of low drive due to health problems. I would be so exhausted at night that my H touvhing me seemed like just another person making a demand on me. If I felt like I wasn't going to be able to have an orgasm that night, why bother having sex? My poor H lived with this rejection for a long time, and the long-term effects of it almost destroyed my marriage. Believe me, you get clarity on some issues real fast when your H starts leaving you!
Now things are great between us, and one of the important areas of change is how I view our time in the bedroom. I am never too tired - if I know I won't be able to come, I focus on pleasuring him. I recognize his advances for what they truly are - expressions of his desire to get close to me. And having lost that once, I so treasure it now that he feels that way about me again.
Take it from an outside observer - you are making your H into the enemy - HE IS NOT! You are transferring your issues onto him and trying to drive him away - if you are not careful, you will suceed. Please don't let that happen.
