Needing some guidance... 5

[25yearsmlc]

jks

I don't want you to think you MUST stay married, "at all costs" b/c I don't believe that's what this site is about.

You have shared some things I don't recall hearing before, like about how much more cynical he is since becoming a policeman, and how his spiritual life has changed (how is his father's outlook on religion?)

I just urge you to change your timeline, anyhow...

and to make sure you are not disguising a wounded ego w/rehearsed articulate sound bites, about how "he" has changed....and maybe she is the better choice...

if the reality is, you just think divorcing is somehow protecting you from further pain. I don't think it works that way.

But OTOH,


if you get to the point wherein you can say to yourself, "I really tried my very best and dug deep and bravely"

AND you truly turn the marriage, and your anger and pain, over to God--

then Leave the results up to HIM.

No need to rush a decision so fast.

BTW
Truly, I don't believe a cop married to another cop is nearly as long lasting as someone from the outside.

I'm married to an MD and am a L myself. (We married before the careers happened as we were young, and insane).

I used to worry about what another MD would offer h, and I think he wondered similar things about me and how many men I worked around. Maybe there were moments I wished he knew more about my work

but for the most part his work was so different- it enriched my world and I like to think the same about mine in his.

IN any case, what is the rush to be done? Are you that ready to date? Really?

I myself had an INTERNAL timeline so I knew my limbo was not eternal. I chose our first d's high school graduation date as the timeline for me and acted as if THEN the marriage would likely be over. That gave me 2 years to become my best self and "more marketable" so I figured I won either way.

But I didn't file for divorce. I didn't see the advantage maritally OR financially (I checked with a lawyer to make sure, and it benefitted me to wait, so I suggest you do the same)

and in my case it also benefitted our marriage.

Good luck JKS. Truly!