Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Sigh....

We have a decent day - I received a upbeat call from him earlier in the day inviting me along with S to the waterpark. I go because we don't spend a lot of time together and it's the first time in a year he's asked me to go anywhere. I do not initiate conversation, and I play with S. I engage with H lightly and joking.

Received phone call tonight (I'm on 'dim' to him so no calls/texts/emails from me)
Paraphrasing some of it, but it's pretty accurate. I'm working on validating and not reacting emotionally. Any feedback? It's hard in the moment to stop and think first, but I tried...

Me (chipper): "Oh hi! How are you doing? (didn't wait for answer) You want to talk to S?"
H: "I need you to go fill in the paperwork tomorrow
Me: (kind of dumbfounded, I forgot what he was talking about for a second.) "You would like me to fill in the paperwork?
H: "Yes, I need you to go fill in the paperwork, it's been 3 months and it's due this week. Otherwise I'll have to pay money to have you served or to refile if it lapses. I feel like it's something still open and not done, and I want to streamline my life"
Me: "I understand, so me filling in the serving paperwork starting the divorce would help you streamline your life."
H: "Yes, It would allow me to move forward, we would be done by now if you did it before"
Me: "I understand, so by completing the divorce serving, it would give you more opportunities than you have experienced already"
H: "I'm already moving up in life, this would just streamline it so I don't need to be worried anymore. I don't understand why you are fighting this"
Me: "Worried about what?"
H: "the marriage, being married"
Me: "I see, being married is worrisome to you."
H: "if it turns out to be a big mistake [the divorce] after it's all done then we can just get back together again. I don't know why you are fighting this. I just want this to be done."
Me: (silently taking 10 breaths AND not saying what I was thinking.) Finally I say:
I am sorry if it seems like I am fighting this. I know that I was controlling a lot of the times, and I've been working really hard on not doing that. It [sux] because this is one of those things that I can see it 'appears' like I'm trying to be in control, when I am actually doing nothing because you deserve space to do whatever, figure out what you want for your life and if I fit into it or not or whatever you want to do with it."
H: "It's a little too late for that now (regarding the control part). I moved out, remember? I feel that you weren't good enough and it's time to accept that it's over and I don't know why you are fighting this, it's inevitable." And then more about him saying he will have me served and he doesn't want to embarrass me.
Me: "I can't tell you what to do here. I absolutely do not want you to feel trapped or like I'm forcing you to stay married. I can't make you love me, I can't make you stay. You moved out, I helped you. If you feel you want to serve me that's okay, I care more about how you are doing then me." (maybe not a good thing to say - the 'you weren't good enough comment made me stop)...

and so the conversation continues until he hangs up on me frustrated and angry because he doesn't understand why I am 'fighting' even though I'm really trying not to fight...


And quite frankly, I brought up the 'control' thing... but only because he mentioned it previously, so he must've felt like I did control things too much. Usually, it would be more like he would want to do something (grand plan) and i execute it. Or I would ask him a question on what he wanted to do, and he'd have no opinion "it doesn't matter" or "I don't know, whatever" and I'd have to make the decision and I'd say "okay, well, i guess we will go with x".

Anyway, I'm looking for feedback on how to handle these conversations and after. Do I act chipper tomorrow when I have to see him? "Good morning H, see you later!" as I walk out the door?

I was kind of proud that I was not too emotionally invested in it anymore (ie not freaking out), nor did I call him back when he hung up on me, and I didn't try to 'guess' what he will do next. I'll just deal with it then. This not 'reacting with emotions' is new to me.