My story, my progress, my hope

[Tinman]

Well I tried my best but I guess I am done.
I have not spoken to W in a couple days and I picked up my kids this afternoon from XW. When we got home they asked if they could go down to see W and her kids. I said it was fine with me. They text her and went down to swim. I was not going to go down but she text and asked if I was coming down. So I went down. We had a decent time and then we were chatting and she started talking about her making up with her friend and telling me about this discussion she had with her. About how she was now a single parent and had no one else to count on and how bad her situation was. It broke my heart! One the fact that her friend treated her so bad again and she simply forgave her. I have never treated her like that yet forgiveness for me is nowhere in sight.
So anyway she is telling me all about this conversation and I have to look away because I am getting a little teary eyed and did not what her to see. Then she asks what is wrong with me. I said something like “I am sorry just hard to hear some of this as you talk about us in such finality” She said “I was talking about my current situation” and then she got up and said I guess I should have known better than to talk to you about it. Then she walked away and went inside.
I was dumfounded! I was hurt not trying to cause her any hurt but she turned her back on me and left which hurt even more.
So, I thought about it and I just can’t go on like this. I sit by and watch while she goes out and parties, drinks like a fish and puts herself in horrible situations. I just don’t know what to do but really I cannot honestly say that at this point even if she came back I could deal with how she is acting. I would love to have a balance of friends and family but she is taking things to such an extreme I could never deal with it.
Anyway I got home and yes in anger and frustration I sent her a very long text. Basically said that I was done. I told her I did not understand what happened tonight. I told her that I could not continue to let her treat me the way she has. I told her I loved her but I was starting to care enough about myself to know I deserved to be treated better. I told her that if she wanted to work on the marriage I wanted to but I could not hang out in limbo anymore and was not willing to accept the scraps of her life.
I am sure I will regret it but at what point do I say enough is enough. Figure your life out but I am moving on with my life.
Breaks my heart but I think the thing that put me over the edge is that I end up taking my hurt feelings out on my girls and it is not fair to them. I can’t be sad anymore and I am not going to be.
I will never marry again because honestly I could not go through this kind of pain again.