great conversation, so much stuff I needed to hear.
25 - I read a lot of your posts and I have never seen that letter before. I love it and need to read it over and over again when I just dont understand why my H hasnt seen my changes and come running home.
Jks, my H hasnt come (yet). But really working on myself has been a gift of this crisis. So far I have run half marathon, run, do lots of yoga, joined Al anon and met many new friends through the program, am learning guitar, I hire a cleaning lady sometimes, I go to therapy twice a week and raise & care for 2 wonderful girls.
Because of this crisis I have choose to work less then I used to work and its been wonderful. I have spent more time with my girls and I really feel a more deep connection with them.
I spend money frivoilously when it makes me feel good or makes my life easier because its taking care of me. I was taught by my mother that taking care of myself was a waste of money, doing anything that could make you feel good, even buying a trashing mag. was a sinful waste of money. Those little frivolious things have helped me make it through over a year of this.
I have/had a good relationship with my in laws. They were very confused when this happened because my H never indicated there were any problems until he left us. Initially they were very confused and were stand offish with me. I think now they have a clearer understanding of what is going on - they have seen me do everything in my power to work on me from Alanon to therapy and they seen my H hire a lawyer. They have seen me give up work to care for my girls, while my h takes work in another part of the country.
It is much clearer to everyone including myself what is going on here. Yes my/our behavior was bad but it takes months/years for them to regain our trust.
Every DB coach I have spoken to has drilled into me to change my time frame. I thought they were nuts. But that is the best advice I can give you. If you change your time frame you will recognize that you have time to show your changes. You need to believe that you are and can be the most awesome woman out there. The woman only a fool would leave. You are the mother of his children that counts for a lot.
You need to fully commit to being the best you, you can be. I honestly (on most days) feel better about myself on the inside and out (cause now I take the time to get my hair done and pick out a nice outfit each day) then I have in years.
Hang in there, you are not alone
BK, such a good post! I need to do more of the "me" stuff as well.
