ok jack- not cool. for real. i am not lookin for pity. never have and never will. im glad everything worked out for you. really i am. thanks for taking potshots at me. i appreciate it. i have asked for payment plans. i have called legal aid. i cant do anything. i did not take no for an answer. i keep trying. and for what? my kids. for you to say i am asking for pity this time is way below the belt man. really? i do appreciate the support i have found here. and the compassion. there is no prevailing. there is no winning. i never wanted to win. i wanted my kids healthy and happy. i guess they will be. do not think for a second that i have given up. i havent. i am stronger than you give me credit for. i have nothing to hold on to but hope. in a hopeless situation.
First off...I hope you are having a better morning
Secondly, This is part of it buddy. This pain that you are feeling is part of the growth that you are having now. Nothing good just happens. We go through extreme pain at times in our lives, to have amazing spurts of internal growth.
What happens if we allow it, is that it leads us onto a path that we are unfamiliar with, a path that we would have never taken if things would have remained the same.
It involves doing things, and experiencing things that would turn most people inside out. The easy way through this, is to simply walk away. Walk away and let our anger fuel our path that remains un-altered, because we chose not to learn from what we have lived.
You have met these people in your life, and you know some of these people. Something deep inside of you has whispered that you didn't want to be like them. You didn't want to be angry your whole life. Something told you, that you wanted a better way. Something told you that you didn't want to be that old lady at the hairdresser, that sits there and bitches about how bad her EX treated her, and how much of an asshat he is...
You have a chance to not be that person, and in time, you will see the gift that you have been given. She didn't do any of this TO you....she did it for her, and if you let it, she did it for you too...
There are times, when we don't feel like standing. With getting papers ? The game has changed a bit. Now is the time for you, and for you to NOT be that person that she is stating false information about. You don't have to scream it from the mountain tops...all you have to do, is live that.
I read an expression a long time ago.....and it has been with me since...
If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward---Thomas Edison
All you need to do, is to find ONE way that will work for you...
Take a look at probono.net...( no relation to Sonny Bono )
Second Judicial Circuit Pro Bono Project
So, here you stand, at a crossroads. There are multiple ways to go from here.
Which one leads you to where you want to go ?
Which one leads you to internal peace ?
Which one leads you to sitting under that hair dryer ?
Which one leads you to the legacy that you want your children to learn ?
^^^^^^^ brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful post and well said. We have faith in you SD you have grown so much and yes things are getting thrown at you and feels SO overwhelming and you must feel so out of control of the situation. But knowledge is power. Find out everything you can, I know that you believe in "against all odds you can find a way to make something happen" because you're HERE and anyone that finds themselves here is someone who believes in miracles.
Like Mach said some people walk away...but you won't. you know you won't.
wow...thanks mach. that also brought tears to my eyes. i am not going to be that lady under the hair dryer. i am not even angry. i am thankful for all that has happened in my life. all this bad sh1t. without it, i wouldnt be who i am today. i have gotten so strong. i dont have any hope for my M. i have given up on that. i hope to be happy. to be a GREAT dad. someone that my kids are proud to have in their life. i want them to know how to live a healthy happy life. i havent given up on me. will i ever R with my W? who knows and i dont care. i do not think i even want that anymore. i deserve to be happy and be loved for me. i dont believe she ever truly loved me, or really knows what love is. i do hope to be great co parents one day. i am not mad at her. i should thank her. because of her i have started down this road of being awesome! i am free. free of her and free in my mind. i can dress how i want. i can listen to the music i want. do what i want. i have control of me and i like that. i did some serious meditation last night. it helped alot. i thanked god for this opportunity to be me. i really like that quote and i identify with it. i bang my head on walls until i find a solution. being able to accept things these days is a huge gift.
i had a great day at work. i was happy. i actually still love what i do and am damn good at it when i focus. it was a beautiful day. i am going to work out and run.
thank you brit for sticking with me. you do inspire me everytime i read your posts.
bug..what can i say? you are amazing. you have been with me for awhile. picking me up when i am down. putting up with my bs.. setting me straight when i need it. i dont even know you and you have done so much for me. thank you.
Hey Dakota - you sound good. That's great! I think I was able to find more peace with my situation after I got served with papers because there was no longer any dread on my part that they were going to come at some unknown time.
I just popped in to say that I'm glad to see that you are signing other posts as "Dakota" and I think that's awesome!
lol..thanks verab. i am feeling good. im not worrying over stuff anymore. i have been so dense for so long. i didnt understand the techniques because i couldnt accept it. i do now. i wish i did earlier. it is what it is. i get them now. i can still benefit from that. i am staying positive. i am sure i am still going to have rough days. but for now i am being happy. things arent all that bad.
i am thankful i figured out the no expectation thing. that is helping alot. i will move on. i may lose battles. i will not lose the war. i will find a way to take care of the kids the way they deserve
