You say you have a good marriage outside of bed. Don't throw that away, especially for the children. I have a LD wife and I have been in the same boat as Hairdog, where my wife has fallen asleep during foreplay and I did not know it. Then she wakes up startled and angry. I will rub her feet and legs and back and she will act like it is slowly turning her on, when in fact it is puting her to sleep, or into a near sleep state, and us poor guys don't know it!! Then we get blamed for trying to have sex when we thought we were turning our ladies ON! Wrong! So maybe give him the benefit of the doubt.
You need counselling for the rape, and marital counselling as well. After you do the sexual aversion routine, here is a link for how to change "Willingness" for sex into "Desire" for sex. Read the whole thing, it links to 8 other pages. Change "Willingness for Sex" into "Desire for sex".
Let me tell you from another HD mans perspective, the MOST important thing you can ever do for your husband is to INITIATE sex with him, it will give him the greatest feeling he can possible get. Most HD men have one primary goal in life, to be DESIRED by their LOVER.
Another helpful hint, everytime you reject his sexual advances, he will interpret that as a rejection of HIM PERSONALLY. It is better to tell him when and where rather then to reject him.
