Thank you Hairdog, I appreciate your support. H is aware of the seriousness of his actions, NOW. He says he's willing to do whatever it takes, and I believe him. Our M has been good outside of our bedroom. He has always treated me as his equal, except for this very dark "habit" he has. I honestly want to believe he will change. At the same time, I'm scared that deep down he doesn't respect me. How else could he treat me like that? Am I foolish to try. Can this kind of damage be undone?
BTW it's not like I was rejecting him every single time. Before our kids came along, we had sex at least once weekly. After the kids though, we'd go a few months, and just as I'd be getting close to initiating, he would "wake me up". It's rather difficult to feel like initiating when you're in a pattern of trying to ignore hints because you know that sex follows. What I'm trying to say is that i stopped cuddling with him in bed, kissing him goodnight, etc. because if and whenever I did, he thought it meant I wanted to ML.
I just checked out that sexual aversion link from another thread. Very interesting. I'm going to read through it again and try the exercises.
