How long is this ultramarathon anyway?

[jbnati]

I ended up calling her last night.

We started by talking about my S at camp and how he's doing. That at least was a good ice breaker.

Then we proceeded to the meat of the conversation:

I apologized for saying what I did within earshot of my S. I said we need to have any of those type of conversations outside of the handoff times and perhaps I should've stepped outside and closed the door.

I told her I was seeking God's direction with every step I'm taking and I want to be sure he is releasing from my promise I made to Him when we got married. She countered by saying I needed to work that out with God, and that shouldn't hold up a piece of paper or any documentation. She was intimating she is tired of the limbo.

At one point, we got on the topic of what's going on at her place when my S is over there. She asked if I thought she was getting into drugs or something. I just told her I didn't know, but I was concerned about the environment my S was in when he was over at her place.

Somehow we got on the topic of the debacle a couple of weeks ago where I picked my S up in the middle of the night because he walked in on my W and OM in the bedroom. She defended it by saying her brother walked in on her Mom and Dad during her childhood. I told her it was different, because she's not married. I said it should've never happened, and it was very wrong.

OK, she is chastising me for saying I don't trust her in front my S, but what she allowed to happen was no big deal?!?!?

I also mentioned by S's complaint of taking in second hand smoke when he's over there, just to make her aware.

I told her I would the financial documentation to her, but it was likely I would use a L of my own to help me get it to her L. She seemed to understand, but she also seemed a little paranoid.

We ended the conversation with me telling her I would have an update for her by the end of the week if not earlier, but I probably wouldn't have everything to her L by Friday.

There were a couple positives though. She did say she is seeing a Christian C and really like her. She did go to church for the first time since Easter and took my S. And - she does want to have a relationship with our S, which I am grateful for.

So - this week I am going to interview a couple of Ls and get the ball rolling with getting the financial documentation where it needs to go.

Part of me is wondering if she's ultimately doing me a favor. However, I will keep my own nose clean and continue to GAL and seek God's direction. I know I will be more than OK regardless of the outcome.

[LITB]

Good to see you around JB.

It is ironic that your W tells you that she will not allow you to control her anymore, but then tries to control you by threatening you with D.

Curious to know what your thoughts on her threat and what is your course of action. Does she have a right to this info? I'd imagine she does.

[jbnati]

It is ironic that your W tells you that she will not allow you to control her anymore, but then tries to control you by threatening you with D.

Yeah! There is a lot of irony right now!

Curious to know what your thoughts on her threat and what is your course of action. Does she have a right to this info? I'd imagine she does.

I think I pretty much covered this in the last post. Yes, I would say she has a right to the tax returns, because we filed jointly. So - I think I am going to have to break down and talk to a couple of Ls.

[LITB]

Curious to know what your thoughts on her threat and what is your course of action. Does she have a right to this info? I'd imagine she does.

I think I pretty much covered this in the last post. Yes, I would say she has a right to the tax returns, because we filed jointly. So - I think I am going to have to break down and talk to a couple of Ls.

You sure did cover it JB.

Seems that you are doing well all things considered.

[jbnati]

So I did end up calling two different Ls yesterday. I feel considerably better after at least initially speaking with them. It sounds like most if not all of what is being requested is on the level. I have one appointment scheduled for tomorrow and one I am working on scheduling for next week.

Based on my W's recent actions, threats, and attitude, my trust of her has dropped to a low level. Therefore, it's very likely I will retain one of the Ls I speak with. I am feeling it is the right thing to do to get a good picture of my rights and to be represented, even if my W and I have talked about doing a dissolution instead of a D. I hate to spend the money, but I think it's money well spent.

I realize there is a chance this may wake my W up. Right now, however, with everything I see, it looks like this is the road we're going down. To believe in the chance it may wake my W up is taking a lot of faith, folks. But then again, if everything that was going to happen was right in front, faith wouldn't be required. This isn't necessarily the end, it's just another step down the path. If my W were to wake up, I'd have a decision to make at that time. She's dug herself a pretty big hole. However, I don't have to make that decision today.

In other news, my GAL'ing activities of choice last night included a softball game with my church team. We beat my old church and I went 3 for 3. Not bad for an old guy. To celebrate, I went out for a 17 mile bike ride after dark. Tonight, I am on the hook for being the substitute group leader for our Healing Relationships group (a.k.a. Ladies' group)

[gunny]

Hey JB,
Catching up on your sitch. Quite a bit going on. I am with LITB about your s using the threat of D to induce you to do things she is requesting. It does sound very controlling! Wonder if she is aware of that?

As I am continually finding, even at this late juncture in my sitch, detachment to the extent possible is key. You know this, I am confident, just sometimes its good to hear it from other people.

On the GAL front, did a 25 mile bike ride this past saturday, which is a high for me. Will have to get a gel seat, my butt sure was sore!

Continue to lean forward my friend,
GUNNY

[NTX_Dad]

jb - keep the faith. My W and I each spent 1000s with attorneys and were 2 months away from trial and we patched things up.

[vera be fierce]

jb - I felt similarly to how you did - I did not want to have to spend the $$ on a L, but meeting with a few gave me a lot more confidence going forward. I found a L who, while not cheap, is experienced and wise and I believe can argue circles around H's L (who never even told him that I'd been served and still has yet to send out any discovery requests) if necessary. It is indeed money well spent. As one of my coworkers pointed out - better to spend the money on the L upfront than to have to spend more of it later (due to not getting the best deal based on your rights).

[jbnati]

Hey gunny!!

I am with LITB about your s using the threat of D to induce you to do things she is requesting. It does sound very controlling! Wonder if she is aware of that?

Oh, probably not. Pretty outlandish, huh?

As I am continually finding, even at this late juncture in my sitch, detachment to the extent possible is key. You know this, I am confident, just sometimes its good to hear it from other people.

The good news is her actions are making it a whole lot easier to detach. If she is who she wants to be right now, maybe she is really doing me a favor?

On the GAL front, did a 25 mile bike ride this past saturday, which is a high for me. Will have to get a gel seat, my butt sure was sore!

Very nice gunny. If ride more, your butt gets used to it, or maybe it just hardens. LOL.

[jbnati]

jb - keep the faith. My W and I each spent 1000s with attorneys and were 2 months away from trial and we patched things up.

NTX, thanks as always for stopping in, buddy. I'm keeping the faith - at least the faith that I'm doing the right thing and plotting the right course.