No More LRT, but slow progress

[LostIn407]

I look at everyone's situations and try to compare them to mine and I am confused. I try to compare my progress and events to others but don't know if I am trying to compare two different things. Or maybe I am just lying to myself.

D
Has never really been a topic between W and I. In talks, she has mentioned she considered it in the beginning but doesn't feel that way. I threatened it when things were going bad in May, but things have gotten considerably better.

There are no "gains" for her or me with a D. She has her own insurance which is better than mine. She is not asking for financial assistance.

OM
This part hurts me but I don't see it as a threat. There is no long-term future with them. I made the comment about her having a boyfriend and she quickly told me that isn't a term she would use. He is just there. Upsets me. Hurts me. But not long term.

W doesn't bring OM around her family. I read on JKS post how her H brings OW around his family. This doesn't happen.

Besides the PA which I don't like to think about, W and OM don't do much besides going to a movie (which W pays), hang out at her apartment or something else small (which W pays). They don't have conversations.

The only thing OM has that I don't is my W. That is the bad thing.

But then I think am I being a fool letting this happen? But it is going to happen anyways. I guess because I don't see it as a threat, it doesn't bother me. If I saw the OM as a threat, the two of them getting into a serious relationship, I would probably file for D tomorrow. What does that say about me?


Is my W going through a MLC? If she is, am I supposed to handle things differently? I think my W just needs time. Time to have her own apartment, her own bills. Pay her own way. Time away from a H and kids. I have no problem giving her time because it also means I get time.

We hear the same advice: "Give them space", "Gift of time", etc. My W doesn't want space from me. She initiates activities with me. We have been planning trips together. If she wanted space from me, I would easily be able to do it.

But then space and darkness is scary. What if the space/darkness forces her to the OM?

DB/DR isn't a cookie cutter approach and I guess I am trying to treat it so.

I guess I will keep doing what I am doing and wait for the OM to run its course. I believe the end is coming, but every time I think it is about to end, it seems to start up again.

Just need to play to my strengths and continue to grow. I can keep on this path for a long time. I think I am making small gains daily. While it would be nice to be making progress in huge steps, I don't think that will happen.


SIDE NOTE:
This weekend, I saw a card in her car that I sent her in the beginning before I found this site. It was the bad kind of card: pleading, bringing up the past, etc.

I made a comment about it and said she wasn't supposed to have that card as it didn't get delivered. She said she saw it in my mail and took it. It came back undeliverable as she wasn't checking her mail.

I told her that I sent that card when I was down and apologized. She said it made her cry, but a happy cry when I brought up certain things. She said she was keeping them and they would be in the trash if she wanted to throw them away.