I agree with sias, give yourself some space-as much as you can with young children.

It's a bit like an alcoholic who is either thinking about drinking, drinking or recovering from drinking.

In the beginning we are either hoping to see S, seeing S or recovering from seeing S.

Give yourself some time for recovery.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss