TIME for a change

[labug]

So the expectation was that she/they would call and thank you.

You bought a gift that should have had no strings attached.

[labug]

hit the wrong key.

You bought a gift with no strings attached, you were thanked in a timely manner.

End of story.

[sayitaintso]

"Thanks"

[Broken74]

Hey Bug!

I truly did it with no expectations and wasn't expecting a thank you in any way, scouts honor! The thing that chaps me in this case, is that my SD is sweet enough that she actually wanted to thank me, but my W opted to not allow that to happen.

Thanks for your feedback I appreciate it, I agree no response since it's the end of story ;-).

I can't believe she is still not wavering after 10 months of all of this... :-(

[labug]

The thing that chaps me in this case, is that my SD is sweet enough that she actually wanted to thank me, but my W opted to not allow that to happen.

This is all mind-reading and making things up to suit your narrative.

Take it just as it was-you were thanked for a gift.

[Broken74]

Thanks to you too sias! You guys are right... The random contact from the W that effectively woke me up at 7:15am got me spun up and flustered for no reason. I should be fully detached by now but I'm obviously not. I did make my SD happy so at least that was mission accomplished. Wish I could do the same for my W...

Good luck to you guys in your respective sitch's!

[Broken74]

Hi folks, hope you are having better traction than me...

PLEASE BLAST ME WITH 2x4's AS I CONTINUE TO MAKE THE SAME STUPID MISTAKES OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I think part of the problem now is that I feel like I'm on a timer, because I honestly am going to file on 8/27 if nothing significant changes because I am not going to go on living in limbo any longer...

So, as I've previously said, my W continues to listen to "I messed up/take me back/reconcile" type songs over and over again. Examples: Remind me, best I ever had, unchained melody, I told you so, etc...

Today I sent her a picture that said: "Listen to the lyrics of a girl's favorite song... You will realize that the lyrics are probably how she feels. "

W: You been tapping into my playlist again? lol

Me: no tapping for me but your listening history and mine both show up. lol How are you doing and how is <sister>?

W: Yours doesn't show up on mine. So what song made you send that picture? <sister> is in surgery now having her tube removed. I'm with her in Concord. I'm fine. Going back to work tomorrow. Yay. lol

Me: It should on the iphone app, maybe you need to upgrade. Remind me, best I ever had, unchained melody, I told you so. I'm glad you and <sister> are doing better. I didn't make the picture btw... lol

W: Those songs are just good songs to sing to. Pretty slow songs, ya know. Just seems that most slow songs are about breakups lol. Smartass

Me: What did I say that was smartass? lol So you haven't had any second thoughts at all?

W: I'm happy

Me: So am I, but you didn't answer the question. I finally figured out why I am the way I am by the way. It's quite interesting when I map to all my past behaviors. It would be really cool if we could talk one day.

W: I'm glad you're happy

So that's a freaking home run right!!! I think I violated 13 of the 37 rules in about 5 minutes. GEEZ I CONTINUE TO BE AN IDIOT OF THE HIGHEST LEVEL... What I meant by "figured myself out" is I have the classic nice guy syndrome. I've read the book twice and it's honestly scary. Totally maps to the gift giving/resentment cycle that led to my verbal abuse, the entire "nice guy" scheme maps to my every behavior.

I know many will say this is mind reading but all logic and deduction says it's not.

1) She has had second thoughts, some of her past behaviors point to this and she verbally mentioned second thoughts earlier in the year. She flat out won't say she hasn't because she and I both know that she has/is having second thoughts.

2) I don't buy the music explanation because the songs she listens to over and over are mostly about reconciliation.

AAARRRGH PLEASE REAR BACK AND SWING HARD I AM SUCH A BUMBLING IDIOT!!!

Only recovery is just to stop and go dark again right? I obviously want to dig myself a further hole and press the issue in that I know she's had second thoughts... I AM SO SICK OF THIS CRAP AND MINDGAMES AND I SUCK AT IT TO BOOT :-(

Thanks in advance for any constructive criticism and good luck to all in your respective sitch's!!!

[scaredsilly]

thanks for the well wishes to all of us. maybe we should all start pursuing again, like you, so we can all get our WAS's back?

[vera be fierce]

Have you talked to a DB coach? I'm wondering if you might take the advice here a little more strongly if you had to pay for it. You would at least get some concrete, discrete things to work on to occupy your time rather than obsessing about your W.

[Broken74]

Thanks ss and Verab! That's the sad thing, I have talked to a DB coach 3 times and Cheryl was extremely helpful but that was a while back. Obviously I am blundering from her instructions here... One of our topics was perhaps me actually filing may be the thing that breaks her lose. What I know is that I've been forced to live like this for a year and am at the point of not being able to take it anymore. Either she has an epiphany by August 27th or she will have a decree with my signature on it that day.

And this is the thing, I GAL out the wazoo I am always busy. I was dating a girl that was wonderful but stopped because that wasn't fair to her. The "trigger" for me the last few times has been seeing this music she's been listening to. I could stop this by changing the password to my streaming account but then that would be viewed of as a "jerk" move by her I'm sure. Obviously I'm mind reading into the music which I can now clearly see is the root cause of my relapse. I just have to not pay any attention to it...