JKS i'm so sorry you went through that..and we have all been that person. Oprah once said no matter how strong the woman every woman has had that "hiding in the bushes moment" (in her case to see if he was cheating)
I think you have a wonderful opportunity. You are probably thinking SAY WHAT? But I look back to when my ex was still saying maybe we could work on things when he was first dating OW and what happened I pushed him away with as someone said before righteous indignation, pleading, begging, crying, etc. My DB coach said it best....men will go where they feel good. If you make him feel good......he'll gravitate to you. I made him feel guilty, like a failure, that he was making bad decisions, that he was irresponsible, etc.
If he's confused let him be confused. Drop the rope and concetrate on you. Get you back to being happy, healthy, fun etc. If the idea of the OW having a "connection" with him scares you, how do you think she feels, you're his WIFE, the mother of his KIDS! Trust me that's a connection!
No more confrontations....it's never going to end well or get you closer to where you want to be.
I'm sorry you're in the place you are. I was there.. May 22ed. I know the exact day. And I'd quit smoking a few days before. Oh wait April 8th Easter weekend. haha You will move past this, you will get stronger. You can!
