so defeated and scared silly

[scaredsilly]

thanks vero, grace and brit, for caring enough to help.

i did get though last evening and my feelings turned around. i was just so hurt that it's come to this but it only lasted about 20 minutes and he was mowing the lawn so i didn't impose my feelings on him.

we had dinner and talked about a lot of things; his job, his family, mine. it was nice.

brit, no need to worry. i wouldn't try to lay guilt on him for my loneliness. that's why i posted in my panic; my feelings of sadness were about to get the best of me and my hard work and i needed a suggestion on how to get through them and not make it his problem. i didn't want to cry around him or be angry.

i needed the 2x4; my happiness is not his responsibility. most days i can understand that. yesterday was just a little hard because all the sadness and loneliness of the past five days came back to me upon seeing his TAN! that's so utterly ridiculous now that it makes me laugh!

i'm ok now and i really thank you guys for helping me through it!

i do have great plans for labor day. i'm having H keep the boat on the lift so i can take my son's family out in it. we'll be cooking out and swimming and boating. H is worried about me driving the boat! i always let him be the captain but life has changed and now i'll have to be the captain!

think there's a metaphor in all this?