Hi SS I can empathise. I too live very far way from home and my H has family here. To make it worse even though he never liked to do family things since meeting GF he's doing all sorts of stuff with his family and it used to really hurt me.
I don't want to sound mean but this is a 2x4: he's not responsible for your happiness he never was. It's not his job to make sure you have something to do st the holidays, just like it's not your job to make sure he's happy. If we put the power of our happiness in someone else's hands then we can't ever be sure it happens. So 4th of July s@cked.....so plan for labour day, Halloween, etc to do something! Now that you know holidays are hard prepare for them!
If I remember correctly, he spent this week on the boat with his kids right? And you don&5 get along with them or it was a sense of tension? When I am throwing a pity party for myself about being alone and cutoff I instead think about how I don't have his family's drama anymore! It's peaceful not lonely! Haha
He agreed to go away with you this weekend. If you bring this up, or let it overshadow the weekend (not enjoying yourself because you felt hurt, neglected, rejected etc) then there's a danger that he'll fear nothing he does is good enough
thanks vero, grace and brit, for caring enough to help.
i did get though last evening and my feelings turned around. i was just so hurt that it's come to this but it only lasted about 20 minutes and he was mowing the lawn so i didn't impose my feelings on him.
we had dinner and talked about a lot of things; his job, his family, mine. it was nice.
brit, no need to worry. i wouldn't try to lay guilt on him for my loneliness. that's why i posted in my panic; my feelings of sadness were about to get the best of me and my hard work and i needed a suggestion on how to get through them and not make it his problem. i didn't want to cry around him or be angry.
i needed the 2x4; my happiness is not his responsibility. most days i can understand that. yesterday was just a little hard because all the sadness and loneliness of the past five days came back to me upon seeing his TAN! that's so utterly ridiculous now that it makes me laugh!
i'm ok now and i really thank you guys for helping me through it!
i do have great plans for labor day. i'm having H keep the boat on the lift so i can take my son's family out in it. we'll be cooking out and swimming and boating. H is worried about me driving the boat! i always let him be the captain but life has changed and now i'll have to be the captain!
think there's a metaphor in all this?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
You're right, bug. I never thought of it that way. He really doesn't see it like I do. It's a wonder any relationships survive with the major differences in men and women.
I'll be taking my "vacation" next week. Going up to see my family for a month and have lots of GAL activities planned. H will be at our house, totally by himself for the first time since he moved to his mom's.
In effect, we'll be trading lifestyles. Maybe he will begin to develope some empathy while I'm gone for the loneliness of being in the country by yourself.
Oh, he'll probably have someone over, now and then, but he will not have anyone to do things with most of the time. I'm hoping it helps him to be a little more sensitive.
Thanks for stopping by. You always help me to see more clearly.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
