I took a phrase from Grace's post because I think that sums up how I feel I'm okay no matter what.
Updates: Yesterday I was bored and thought about looking at H's FB page do I asked myself why? And the answer was dunno. And I noticed that feeling I used to feel where I HAD to know what he was up to with her wasn't there anymore I'm not going to say I don't care but it wasn't gnawing and I thought I don't want/need/have to look.
I found myself randomly feeling a lot of resentment when I was trying to get to sleep and during my dreams. It's hard to put into words and I was surprised about it. It's a lesson to me I know....and I know I can't grow until I've let go of that resentment. I'm not sure why I have it. I need to focus on finding things to be happy for him about and happy for myself. I feel that I am but then I have these dreams....Yesterday I remembered how he made me "hide" a girls vacation I took from his parents because he thought that they wouldn't approve or that they wouldn't think we could afford it (because he constantly borrowed money from the bank of mum and didn't tell me) all I want in my life is honesty and integrity. Truth is I begged him to go with me as a romantic get away and when he wouldn't I took the girls and came back saying we need to talk. Argh!!!!
I am so busy and stressed I forgot I had tickets to something and missed it. I need a family calendar, a to do list, and I need to stop worrying everything will get done. I feel like the next 2 months are going to be so busy and I need to feel on top of it, not stressed about it.
On the flip side one thing coming up was worrying me and instead of going to H or H's mum I looked into it and I think I've found a solution on my own and it's all fine.
