Needing some guidance... 5

[2chiquitos]

jks-
I have done very similar things as this about a year ago. And looking back on it, I looked like a crazy psycho ex! I know I did because in my much less emotional state, I would not have done any of that. I would instead say, he's crazy and walk away because this is HIS problem, not yours.

Look at OW as if she's alcohol or drugs. If you continue focusing on her then you won't focus on yourself.

Your H sounds a lot like mine. My H would bend over backwards with acts of service. So when he left I was left to care for the kids by myself. I'm kinda glad he did leave because I wouldn't have appreciated him otherwise. Before I would be burned out by 6pm now I can have my kiddos all week and not get burned out. This would've never happened before!

Also, about the whole thing with OW and in-laws. My in-laws were totally on my side from day one, they still are. BUT he is their child (their first born and favored). The only person that comes before H are the kids. So I am more aware that in-laws are scared to death that I'll take the kids away from H (and that would mean them too) so they continue to seek me out. They will manipulate me but I am so much more aware of their intentions and my expectations of them.

Fainting, oh girl, I've been there. I almost fainted in front of my MIL when I found out H proposed to OW before I discovered the affair. So you could imagine how I got. Now that he's a little less blurred he knows he was so deep in the fog he wasn't being himself.

Ok the filing. Divorce is only going to make it ugly, more ugly than it is now (if you can imagine that) because that's when the claws and fangs come out (lol) Not to say you shouldn't do it because of fear, no but you shouldn't do it because it's not going to make the pain go away. Divorce will not punish him as much as it may punish you and the kids. Remember, he's been thinking about leaving you for a while so divorce is only a stepping stone for him.

Depression, I've been there too. My son was born with many medical conditions. I left my dream job to stay home and care for him. I had a lot of depression. Between being sad about my job to being sad about my son's health. It was a never ending cycle. H was always so positive and optimistic that I fed off of him to make myself feel better. Now I look back and realize, damn! I didn't need him. I could've snapped out of it myself!

JKS, there are soooo many tools/resources out there for us. In time you will learn about them. USE THEM!

Oh n next time you get that urge to do something cuz it's eating you up inside...LET IT EAT YOU UP INSIDE because it seriously won't! Discovering more details is just going to hurt you and stalls your recovery.

YOUR GOAL IS TO RECOVER!!!!

Thinking of u!!