It was too hot Thursday, Friday and Saturday to do much other than lay around. That meant we had to push Friday's day trip to Sunday -- Wisconsin Dells. We have Great America and Chicago trips scheduled for Tuesday and Thursday.
That's a lot and it's draining my bank account, but I should have enough.
Still, it's an emotional battle. The first day they were here they talked about their 4th of July at the Uncle Fester (XW's boyfriend) family farm.
They hung around the bf's family while they got blitzed.
So that was difficult to handle. But when I heard the story it made sense. XW is dating her dad. He would sit in his chair at every holiday and drink beer after beer after beer until stumbling off to bed.
I remember watching him and saying to myself, that's not what a husband and father should be like. I purposely tried to be a different husband -- come home first always. Never drink at home. Never gamble money away. Do things around the house before settling in a chair for the night. Spend time, lots of time with my children.
Turns out, she wanted her dad.
Then Saturday I find out from my uncle that my cousin is upset with how much we are using the pool. My cousin lives on the other side and NEVER uses it. He's just mad we are using it often when the girls are here.
I maintain it and mow the yard for the privilege. Still, this is something that goes back 30 years. I was always the golden child of the family and he's resented it. I thought we were through that.
Normally, I'd just laugh it off, but having the pool next door I feel like is my only advantage. XW has the family home, her mom's campground and BF's horse farm.
So that put me in a funk and it spilled out against the girls. When they started fighting Saturday night I overreacted and I really struggled with my patience yesterday with D9.
It's anger and fear. I was angry that I'm in a situation where I have to rely on other's kindness and afraid that it might be taken away.
Most of it is unfounded. My uncle said he WANTS us over to swim. We're the only ones who use it. D13 said XW dragged them to the 4th of July party. They didn't want to go and asked to spend the day with me. D13 said she's bored with the campground.
The last thing is that I put too much pressure on myself with them in the summer. I plan and save so much for these weeks, when they don't go perfectly I get very down on myself.
The mental battle never ends.
On the positive side, I finally may have another date. Met someone through OKCupid who is extremely intelligent and we've been messaging back and forth and we're hopefully going to do lunch the week I'm back to work.
I just want that connection to someone again.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
