Thanks for your words. I have to admit that sometimes they are hard to hear BUTyou are dead on and helping to open my eyes to my own issues. I am forever greatful for that!
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
The legal battle goes on and on... We had a final trial/ hearing on August 16th and that was kind of the end date something to count on good or bad. Then two days ago I received a letter from the Custody Evaluator telling the court he needs at least 60 days to complete the evaluation and he wants to put court date out a month.
So now the court has to try and find a 3 hour block to set up a new court date and my attorney told me that it could turn into months and that she is getting court dates scheduled out into next year.
This is one of the things that is keeping W away. She can't deal with the emotional drain that this does to everyone involved and does not wat her kids exposed to it.
My hope had been that after 8/16 my W and I would be able to put most of that drama behind us, run off into the sunset and live happily every after. Is that asking too much;-)
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Interesting weekend. Friday my W had her big test to get her state license in psychology. That morning she sent me a text “This morning, I found a penny on the floor right where I step to get out of bed! And I’ve been fretting this test today. I never have coins in my room…they are always in my purse:-) good sign:-)” I responded with “You will do great. It does not matter what happens. Either way you are still going to be you and I think that is an amazing accomplishment” She responded “Thanks!”
I had hoped she would text me when she was done to let me know how it went but no such luck. I ended going over to an old friends and spending the evening hanging out.
So my W came down to my house the next morning and told me that she ended up going to the lake with her good friends. Apparently she got upset with her good friend because she was up there and everyone was going skinny dipping and my W said no she did not want to go. Her friends kept pushing her to do it and she got upset and left at about midnight and came home. It takes a lot to get my W upset so it must have been pretty bad for her to leave.
She asked me about my night and I told her I spent the evening with an old friend and she asked who she was. I told her she was an old friend that I use to work with her and her husband. At about that point my kids were asking about lunch so she left and I took my kids out. My W called me about 30 min later. She said she needed to ask me something because if she did not it would drive her crazy. She proceeded to ask me if I was out on a date last night. I kind of cracked up and told her no. I told her that I was just trying to get out and I thought it was funny that the first time I went out she got worried that I was out on a date but she has been out parting with her friends a lot and that there was a single guy in the group that she kept talking about and even shared a room in a cabin with him. She said she understood and that no she was not seeing or dating anyone. So we kind of left it at that and that afternoon we went over to swim and out for sushi.
I think that was a good sign and so very proud of her for not being pushed into doing something like that. Made me feel a whole lot better about things!!
Any other thoughts from my forum friends?
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
She said she needed to ask me something because if she did not it would drive her crazy. She proceeded to ask me if I was out on a date last night. I kind of cracked up and told her no.
I think "just getting together with an old friend" would have sufficed.
But it's nice that she's wondering. Have no expectation about that, just note it and move on.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I am still not getting what that bet would be or what four words Mach1 was talking about. Sounds like you got it. Can you help a dim bulb out?
I am going to keep as busy as I possibly can! I try and squeeze in a bike ride before work which usually has me up and on the bike by 4:30 am so I can make it to work by 6 am. Then I am going to do Crossfit on M, W and Friday 6:30-7:30 . Tuesday and Thursday I have my girls so will spend time with them. Guessing will see W on Tuesday so kids can see each other and we can see kids.
I am trying to plan something for the weekend but not sure what. I was thinking about jumping in car and running over to CA to see the beach and maybe take my bike so I can do some riding over there. I have a friend that called and said I could hang with him this weekend. My W said she might take her boys to house boat this weekend with her friends. So I will definitely want to keep busy!!! My goal right now is to focus on my girls and myself and hopefully keep my mouth shut;-)
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Well I tried my best but I guess I am done. I have not spoken to W in a couple days and I picked up my kids this afternoon from XW. When we got home they asked if they could go down to see W and her kids. I said it was fine with me. They text her and went down to swim. I was not going to go down but she text and asked if I was coming down. So I went down. We had a decent time and then we were chatting and she started talking about her making up with her friend and telling me about this discussion she had with her. About how she was now a single parent and had no one else to count on and how bad her situation was. It broke my heart! One the fact that her friend treated her so bad again and she simply forgave her. I have never treated her like that yet forgiveness for me is nowhere in sight. So anyway she is telling me all about this conversation and I have to look away because I am getting a little teary eyed and did not what her to see. Then she asks what is wrong with me. I said something like “I am sorry just hard to hear some of this as you talk about us in such finality” She said “I was talking about my current situation” and then she got up and said I guess I should have known better than to talk to you about it. Then she walked away and went inside. I was dumfounded! I was hurt not trying to cause her any hurt but she turned her back on me and left which hurt even more. So, I thought about it and I just can’t go on like this. I sit by and watch while she goes out and parties, drinks like a fish and puts herself in horrible situations. I just don’t know what to do but really I cannot honestly say that at this point even if she came back I could deal with how she is acting. I would love to have a balance of friends and family but she is taking things to such an extreme I could never deal with it. Anyway I got home and yes in anger and frustration I sent her a very long text. Basically said that I was done. I told her I did not understand what happened tonight. I told her that I could not continue to let her treat me the way she has. I told her I loved her but I was starting to care enough about myself to know I deserved to be treated better. I told her that if she wanted to work on the marriage I wanted to but I could not hang out in limbo anymore and was not willing to accept the scraps of her life. I am sure I will regret it but at what point do I say enough is enough. Figure your life out but I am moving on with my life. Breaks my heart but I think the thing that put me over the edge is that I end up taking my hurt feelings out on my girls and it is not fair to them. I can’t be sad anymore and I am not going to be. I will never marry again because honestly I could not go through this kind of pain again.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
