I am in the same boat with the judgement of character issue. It is also the one thing that keeps me hanging on.
The question is though, could it be that you are hanging on because you are trying to save her from herself? I ask myself this question everyday.
The other question I ask is: what if my judgement of character is not as good as I thought it was?
The second question smacks of being wrong or right, which does not matter at this point, except to note that I am not always right.
As for your actions during the wedding, in a sense you were ambushed, overloaded, and not ready to deal with the situation whcih was highly charged with emotion.
Forgive yourself. I'm sure the family has. If they haven't, then they got serious issues.
I came to the point this weekend where I decided that if I open myself up again to others and I get taken advantage of, then they are truely not for me. I will also state my boundaries clearly and effectively and if they don't like it, tough.
Detachment is a hard road and it takes a long time, but you'll get there.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12