OK, you make some good points. I don't have a good perspective from my situation. You're taking my suggestions and applying them as if I were saying them to you. I think I'd feel very differently if a woman really wanted to make it work, even if she couldn't desire me. I was thinking more of the scenario I'm familiar with, where I'd have to be almost unrealistically nice and helpful for a few days, and THEN I'd have to beg, insist, and pressure before anything would happen. And then, as she has told me, she would do some very minimal sexual things "out of a sense of guilt". Which was not really insipiring. That's really what I'm talking about. You're not describing your behavior as anything like that, so don't apply my complaints to anyone like yourself!
What do I want to do about my situation? I want to have my cake and eat it too. So I wouldn't mind having multiple wives, or mistresses (since that's legal), all living with me at the same time. Of course, that raises another set of potential problems, unless I could get everyone to be cool with it.
At least that way, chances are better that at least someone will be interested in sex.
okay so you are not answering the question...b/c I am assuming this is a joke, right?
So, what does it mean that you won't answer the question....what are you going to do about this?
What are your options? B/C if the only option for you is staying married, then fine, so be it.
But say that instead of presenting this as a problem you want to solve. Say "I've accepted this will never change but I won't do anything about it".
OR say, "I want it to change but don't know how"
or say "I want it to change but know that it won't so I have to make a scary decision to either live without sex the rest of my life, or divorce my wife'
or have an affair"----which you said you would not do, if I'm not mistaken.
But if having an affair is something you want to do, but you said you would NOT need or seek our approval for it here, THEN AGAIN, I'd ask, why come here?
See, I think at some level you want an affair and you want us to say "we get it".
But for the most part, MOST, not all but most, HERE, will say
"divorce her first, and don't be an adulterer."
But maybe you do want your cake and eat it too?
All I know for sure with you SSM, is you deflect and deny or joke about the answer to that question. You don't just answer it.
Maybe you don't know what you want to do, or would be willing to do, to change your situation. IF SO, just say that. NO biggie.
Why have an affair? Affair land is not a good thing and can put you into trouble in other area's of your life because you are pushing it.
My guesstimation is there are many other area's of the marriage which have failed. I don't think when you look at it instrospectively that you will determine you are being too negative. You are seeing it for what it is.
The relationship you had with the wife may just be over and she is willing to do nothing about it. It's even possible her needs are truly met elsewhere, and you will be stonewalled, lied to, told your crazy, etc.
You waited this long. Whats another 6 months to a year to give the marriage a chance to really work. If she doesn't want to save it, let it go.
Or spend the rest of your life complaining about it... It's no way to live and one thing that makes my decisions easy is I look into the future.
"Would I be happy with myself 20 years from now looking back, knowing what the outcome would be?"
